I have been glancing at Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey to try to understand where I am in mine. I felt called, I know I have refused the call and then came back to it. I am now at a point that I am at a threshold of change. I know I am purely on the knowledge that I don’t want to go back, but terrified of moving forward. Continue reading
I’ve sat in fear on taking chances or risks because they wouldn’t work out. I have organized events where no one registers or when no one shows up. I have cried in past. Now, I feel disappointed when people promise and cancel. It takes time for me to organize another thing again. In some ways it’s torture. I feel I have lessons to learn and experience to gain but also I feel like a fool. Vulnerability leads to joy (or so they say) but it’s very uncomfortable along the way.
I have been feeling a bit lost. My creativity has suffered. My meditation practice suffered. Then my fear and resentments build. At one point I had to finally say I needed help. I was in a funk which could best be described as feeling restless and annoyed with everything around me. Continue reading
Self-sabotage. Responsibility. Sacrifice. Vulnerability. Fear. Empty. Lack. And Hope.
I went to a healer for my own healing.
I feel like this may be a last blog and testament of me looking back at my past. I am so ready to move on and let those things go. I thought a part of me has let it go, but as I sit on a spiritual plateau especially after this session. I am sure there will be more, but this felt like the big piece for me. In some ways I knew all of this but I guess I needed to hear it all again. Continue reading
*Disclaimer: My life is not dark and dreary. Most of the time I would describe it as neutral, but that is the part of life I am tired of and seek to find more….happiness. The point is to pull down the walls that keep me enclosed.
It is a struggle at times to actively write in my blog. I’m sure there is no one in cyberspace that is disappointed, but I feel it for myself. I’ve mentioned that this blog is like a journal. I go back and read it and sometimes the woman in the post doesn’t feel like me anymore (which is good, letting stuff go) and sometimes she is extremely wise. At times my lack of writing it is because I cannot articulate what I want to say and sometimes I have nothing to say. But, this particular blog has been building up. I have worked on writing it, but the universe didn’t allow it to come to fruition. Until now. Continue reading
I get a lot of ideas and most of them I don’t do. It is a pattern and am starting to get a better understanding of why I don’t do it. Fear.
So, I got a few ideas recently as yesterday and I realized the fear came up right away and then I said but the intuition feeling of “yes” was there. I would make any client or friend listen to it. I listen to it if it is with my safety or decision making process so why can’t I say yes now. Continue reading
Having days off is such a treat.
I have watched Netflix and caught up on sappy holiday movies. I have worked on a painting. I have went out and snowshoed. I want to catch up on my blog.
I have had no reason to go anywhere. I have just purely enjoyed the art of doing only what I feel like doing. It is pure bliss. Continue reading
I’ve spoken before about the shadow self. It is where our true desires lurk but have been covered up by the thought of “I’m not enough”. Childhood suggestions and experiences have plagued us into not believing in our self, causing limiting beliefs and otherwise f*cked up our lives.
I listened to Oprah’s podcast with Debbie Ford and was intrigued. I went on the Internet to find out more about what Debbie had to say about the shadow self. It is where our fear lives and where as the great Swiss psychologist C.G. Jung said, “Our shadow is the person we would rather not be.” Or so we think. Because the shadow self is the part of us that needs the most love and instead we run from it. Continue reading
I have a big love of podcasts and today was no different and sometimes it sparks a new thought or sometimes it ties together what the universe has been trying to get me to notice. I have been aware of my wounds and my fears so listening to Gabrielle Bernstein today was another opportunity to look at those wounds and keep healing.
*Warning: if you have an aversion to the word asshole, you won’t like this post… Continue reading
I was asked to do a beginners meditation class in a private setting. The hostess organized it and I showed up. Her and I didn’t discuss much about the event but agreed to a few details like time and place. I try to not think much about it because I am not a good person when I get into my own head. I am best to stay clear and believe that I can allow the soul to come forward. Continue reading