Taking the Time

Many of my blog posts get stuck in draft. Some of them don’t get published because I had a thought, but couldn’t get it out and once it takes so long I can’t bother to finish. Others are because I was whining, anger-filled, too much personal content and or possibly hurting someone else.

I read Glennon Doyle’s posts and she is so forthcoming with her life. She is wearing her emotions and talking about the gooey stuff and I am trying to process it on my own. I’m not sure if I could ever be that way. Being open like that is freeing, but I secretly am glad it is her not me. I think of anyone who has the ability to share such personal things as brave, but it can make me uncomfortable. I always thought I was feeling that discomfort for them, but I realize now it brings up discomfort in myself. It pokes at my own wounds. Continue reading

Battle of the Warrior

I have spent a lot of time working on my spiritual life. I started to pick up on my physical self. I work on my mental health. Mind body spirit has been an important part of my existence. But, I am faced with other’s struggles and with those three things I am at a loss on how to help.

There’s been a lot going on to people around me. Their pain is palpable. My help seems futile. I struggle with doing enough for them, moving ahead with my own life and trying not to implode from my lack. I know that their pain and suffering is not mine but when I reflect during this time it hurts me too. I in no way understand what it is like to have cancer nor have the treatments or be vulnerable to the health system. Continue reading

Grace to Freedom

I did it. I finally did a Facebook live. I wrote some things down to keep a train a thought. And then I got a little nervous and had second thoughts but when I looked down at my phone it said 1:11. It was a sign in my mind that I had to go through with it. I did. It was great.

After, I went to a drum circle which was so fabulous. You wish after it all it carried on for a couple more hours. It was so much fun. The next weekend I went to a Wellness Expo to showcase my chakra/angel card readings. I felt nervous again, but my friend reminded me that every time I feel uncomfortable that it is a good thing for me. Continue reading

Life After

A lot has happened in the past couple weeks. I struggle with it all because it is terrible things that we have no control over. You cannot wish a different outcome and it is hard for me to hold space for the pain.

My friends breast cancer diagnosis shook me up. She is an important part of my life. She’s my neighbour, sister-in-law, and wine drinking buddy. It appears to be an aggressive cancer and it is possible that it was found early, but will not know the outcome of the lump until middle of March and then with treatments months later. She has family history. I have every hope that she will fight this and overcome. I wonder, why this shows up in her life? Why now? Continue reading

The Face of Death

Death.

It is a foreboding message. But, it is also honest and expected. One day, we will die.

I got an early morning call from where my dad lives and they said he had been taken by ambulance. My first response after I hung up the phone was to notice what I felt in the moment and I felt calm which gave me the notion that my father was going to be ok. Last time he had called and went in by ambulance I didn’t have that ok feeling I knew that it was more serious and even though both paramedics and emergency doctor did not believe me when I said he had a stroke until his tests came back positive. I trust myself. Continue reading

Second Chance

Being a human with a soul is truly a struggle. The confines of our body. The societal pressures to be “normal”. The fears that wreak havoc on our mind keeping us small and unassuming. Getting too comfortable. Confusing to follow your dreams and loving life if you have no followers. The need to document on Snapchat, Instagram or YouTube but never the true self just a well manicured image. We want to be loved and accepted. But, everything we do proves that we don’t. We are scared to be real because it may lead us away to the unknown. This is scary and different. Who do you think you are? You think you’re better then us? People don’t support you they try to bring you down to their level. Continue reading

Part 1 Examine My Life

This journey of discovering my vulnerability has made me examine my past. I have struggled with looking back at my life because I have always thought I don’t want to go back there. I don’t live there anymore. I had this belief for a long time, but after visiting a healer she told me that I have my past, especially with my mother, still held inside. I laughed and cried a bit because I thought, haven’t I dealt with this? The healing also brought up vulnerability and how I needed to face the truth about myself. Continue reading