I went to my second ol’ folks home Christmas party. The first one was at my dad’s and the residents there are more able-bodied. The second one was at my stepmother’s. She has dementia and needed to move into this facility this year. Many participated in the resident’s choir and played bells and tambourines. It was very festive. But, as you look around there is many who are unable to be a part of the activities. Continue reading
I have learned some valuable lessons over my time in searching for answers to this life of mine. And I am going to share them with you and document them for myself. I can tell you theses lessons have all come with pain, tears and great joy but they changed everything for me.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart
Being thankful for everything you have right now can really keep your heart and mind at peace. If you constantly can see the good in your situation it can make such an amazing difference. The best thing I ever heard when it came to gratitude was that even in our stormiest times that we should say thanks for the lesson we were going to learn. We don’t learn anything from staying safe and even a situation perceived as bad can teach us an amazing part of our self that we are stronger and better then we thought. Continue reading
Your in a meeting for a group project and there’s a lot of good vibes, or so you think, that this discussion is going well and in your favor. But, someone speaks up and questions your ideas or pokes at some of the holes in the plan and you feel agitated. It is some liberal nut cracker who wants things to less bias and all you hear is more paperwork which no one will read. In your mind, you wonder why do they feel like they have to rock the boat here. The holes aren’t a big deal and will be ironed out once we get going. You have the vision and support of enough of these people to see it through. Continue reading
Change. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I have changed so much but I was wondering what was the shift and when and where that happened. There has been pivotal moments that I can remember and felt the need to write them down so I never forget.
I remember I had the most bittersweet year of 2012. We had built our house. We had lived in our fifth wheel camper for 110 days. My body physically was in pain. My feet hurt. I had helped dig, hammer, prepared meals, parented and everything in between. It was such a hot summer and the saving grace was that our camper had air conditioning. Continue reading
One night driving home I was feeling sad that my hubby was feeling off. He had a lot on his plate and was feeling the stress and pressure from it. But, I sometimes get the withheld feelings from him. It bothers me. I saw a shooting star and my first thought was to wish for myself, but I asked that his heart would be lightened. I felt that wish was one that would benefit us all if he had a happier heart. And, he did. Continue reading
What happens when you take a risk and be vulnerable? Well, first you get scared, but because you want to take a risk you look at the fear. You can’t face what you aren’t willing to feel. I heard so many statements that made me want to stay small. I know it isn’t rational so I let it go. The worries decreased and then the focus on the goal took over. Continue reading
I have teenage daughters.
I used to be a teenager. I never think of that time as easy or forgettable. I remember. The struggles and emotional world wind that time was to me is brought back to the surface time and again listening to my daughter’s stories. But, I also know with surety that the time we spend in this hormonal hell hole is short. In the big picture it is clear but I understand when you’re in it that it feels like forever. Continue reading
I recently learned that when I spent a decade in isolation that it was really a depression. I would have never believed it at the time. But, in retrospect I had chosen a man over some so-called friends. And, even though they were not good friends to me because how they fed the dark part of me. I chose escape, but where I ended up was calmer but lonely. I didn’t connect with anyone. I started having babies and the people around me were not having kids. I believed that I just didn’t connect to those people out there so I spent a lot of time alone. It was quiet and lonely. Continue reading
*The only reason I can write this blog is because as I promised from last post that I had to take a risk. I did it. I wrote up a 4 week beginner meditation proposal that I would facilitate and sent it to an organization to see if they would allow me in their space. I sent it and felt naked.
I know we understand what being naked is like in the physical body, but what happens when we strip down the spiritual body? And what are we taking off?
My spiritual body is my soul. As I enter the human body it doesn’t take long for my limitations and walls to start going up. Protections need to be made, boundaries are drawn and labels start to stick which in turn start to block the soul from reaching the space between us and our True Self. Continue reading
I worked on writing down my goals and desires. I tried to write down the first steps in moving forward and then added some deadlines to get motivated. I faltered there. Ego took over a lot and convinced me that I am crazy for wanting more. I have a good life. I still worked through and wrote it down, but when I stared at them nothing made me feel excited. I flipped the page over and then just wrote down every idea that I have had recently and filled up the page. I felt more excitement. They appeared to be more of a bucket list, but maybe that is what is needed from me. I have so many hopes and dreams and I am not even trying to fulfill them a little bit. Continue reading