I’ve been on this journey of finding myself. I think what I wanted in that journey is that once I could put a finger on my biggest problem and have awareness that I could just move on from there. Release. Letting go. Mic drop. Done. I would be on the bus to my future and we were all along for the ride in peace and tranquility. This is the proof that as humans we just want to get back to normal after everything feels fixed, including me. Deep down I know that life is more like an onion full of layers. Peel one back. Cry. Then there is another layer. The past traumas seem different since we feel time has healed our wounds. I’m not 14 or 18 anymore. The same people can’t hurt me like they did back then. The realization is that the pain is very real and when it comes back sharply and with the same gut wrenching feeling after a memory surfaces then it is still alive and well living in my storage unit aka human body.

I have been doing some reading and it is one of those self-help books that require you to do work while you read. Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life by Christine Hassler is in the top three of great books that changed my protectory of my life. (The Untethered Soul and Seat of the Soul are the other two books if you were wondering) This book came up on my radar and the person had said it changed their life. I’m not finished the book yet, but it has really made me look and examine aspects of times my expectations were not met and I got the disappointment that came immediately after. I felt I had to write it out because I worried I would forget this moment and it seemed so poignant not to ever forget.
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