I choose a card from the decks I have occasionally. When I feel pulled to get one it is usually a good timing message. The cards are not always a rosy feeling, sometimes it pushes on my hard truths. I am typically reminded that the Universe is watching me and trying to help, remind and reveal the truth in my life.
This card that is shown “Unfinished Symphony” is not the first time I have seen it. I saw it a couple weeks ago and thought “ok, unfinished business blah blah” but didn’t really give it much more thought until I got it again yesterday.
Sometimes when I write in my blog I think one of my children will read this in the future. I wonder if they’ll see me differently than as they see me without the blog entries. I remember not really knowing my own mother before she died and doing research later on and hearing about her life and thinking that I had no idea who she was at all. My mom didn’t tell me too many stories. My dad tried to fill in the blanks for me. My own children dismiss my stories sometimes like they heard it before or it isn’t like that anymore. But, I know the truth that the human spirit and connection between people haven’t changed all that much. It reads the same, but who am I at this stage of the game. I’m just the mom.
When this first started all I could think of was that I wanted things to go back to normal. After time, you start to wonder what normal is for you and your family. The time continues on and the fear holds us all there. Social media and the news outlets are a far cry from calming those fears. Then, you realize then you will never go back to the normal you had known. For me, I could manage, but for my family the children especially, had a hard time to adjust to the social distancing and the lack that online school brought. Continue reading →
I’m a mess lately. I want to be the mom from the family sitcom. In a half hour I have solved a problem and gotten a few laughs. But, life isn’t like that at all. The kids don’t memorize their lines, drama goes on for days at a time and I don’t feel the happy ending at the end of the day. Continue reading →
I recently listened to a podcast with Oprah and Dr. Shefali Tsabary on Super Soul conversations. It was well timed since it had to do with conscious parenting. I had recently been at the provincial hockey tournament over the weekend and I am going to say that there is a lot of unconscious parenting going on. The team that ended up winning had a coach that swore and yelled. He dragged a player down to the net when it was time for handshakes because he blamed that child for us getting a goal. The worst part is that they won the game. He yelled at a child and the kid covered his ears with his gloves. Perspective on this is that these kids are 9-10 years old. Later, this same team Continue reading →
I had an epiphany yesterday driving to the hockey arena. The arena has really wonderful people in it, but also very high-energy, competitive, controlling, manipulative people there too. It got me thinking about all the varied personalities on the way there for the second time that day because of our hockey tournament. Continue reading →
I have teenage daughters.
I used to be a teenager. I never think of that time as easy or forgettable. I remember. The struggles and emotional world wind that time was to me is brought back to the surface time and again listening to my daughter’s stories. But, I also know with surety that the time we spend in this hormonal hell hole is short. In the big picture it is clear but I understand when you’re in it that it feels like forever. Continue reading →
I have a split personality. I have the awareness, spiritual side. That side of my parenting and me as a woman in the world is very calm and peaceful. When she is strongly connected in spirit, surrounded by nature and in harmony she does offer the best advice. She sees her children as these souls experiencing life. She wants them to see themselves as they are and being ok with all of it.
The other side is the ego. It holds the fears. It shows itself mostly with anger, but it has sneaky ways too when I get a great idea and then quickly my brain tells me how I shouldn’t do that. I pass it off as no big deal, but in awareness I realize that was my fears at play. The ego yells at my kids and snots off the lady at the grocery store. It is the reactive place when I am not conscious.
The awareness is starting to be there more and more. Even if the ego starts its rant the awareness kicks in and stops me. I am working on this in my parenting of my children. I am trying to keep it in the forefront that each of my children are individuals and have a purpose here. I cannot impose my dreams on them. I have seen it already in many things. My kids all show athleticism in sports they try. I did too. But, wasn’t allowed the opportunity until I was older to join sport activities. I sent them off to soccer, volleyball, basketball and hockey. There has always been a small voice that says if you did all the training and took them into the elite levels they will make it. Then, the spirit asks is that what they want, or is it what I had wished for? I have to breathe. Is it my dream for them, or their own?
Is success for them based on my expectations?
It truly is the hardest thing to not force confirmation on them. To just allow them to be there and speak to them when I am in my awareness. I was upset with my daughter the other day because of a website she was on. I yelled at first, but soon realized, no that is not what I want to convey here. I immediately calmed my tone and told her the concern and that I wanted her to understand the stranger on the other side of the computer. Underneath all of that I told her, if you are lonely then lets make plans with your friends, or let’s watch the movie you wanted me to watch with you. I want you to focus your connection with real people and not think that connection will come from strangers. We watched the movie. When I spoke to her in the calm voice and tried to see what the real deal was she said to me, I love you. I know that’s her way of saying thank you for seeing me.
I want to help pave the road and open doors for them. But, I want them to choose if it is the road for them or the door to go through. I want them choosing in their awareness. I want them to remember that they’ve had the power all along and not to let them forget that the awareness is what they were born with. We, as a society, put the limitations and the children forget who they truly are to be. We must let them remember.
I was getting ready for a fundraising event and I had my phone playing music. A slow song came on and I let it play not thinking much about it. The song was over and it repeated. No songs had repeated up to that point, and no song repeated after. It was strange. The song was, “I Believe in Love”. It made me ask, do I believe in love? Continue reading →
A friend asked that I blog about judgmental parents. I thought oh sure, that is such an easy topic, but I think she wanted me to make a plea to parents to be kinder when speaking about other people’s children. It seems to be so common in our society. Is it truly just a human condition? As a human, we are constantly comparing, judging and measuring. Are they better or are they less than us? We can’t ever seem to let it be. I was one of those parents long ago and maybe catch myself thinking or saying it once in a while even now. I held my ruler up and measured them against how I was as a parent and many failed. Some parents didn’t fail, but somehow seemed like they had it together better then me then I felt jealousy. Once in a while, I make it sound like I have it all together when I don’t. A parent will talk to me about their own children and most times I will say yes, I have been there, but sometimes I offer advice on what I have told my own children, but it makes me feel like I’m sounding superior. I don’t like it about me. I try to remain aware in conversations when people reach out. They want to be heard and supported and not reminded of their failings.Continue reading →