A Cry to the Universe

300px-Heroesjourney.svg[1]

I have been glancing at Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey to try to understand where I am in mine. I felt called, I know I have refused the call and then came back to it. I am now at a point that I am at a threshold of change. I know I am purely on the knowledge that I don’t want to go back, but terrified of moving forward. Continue reading

Growth

The pandemic and the global reaction is like a road block on the path. You know that the road ahead has a sink hole and you cannot pass. So, many stand in line waiting for it to be fixed, but with this many days waiting there has a been a change of how people view this road block. I swing in different directions each day. At times, I understand why we are waiting, but while the economy collapses around us and with each passing day more of us set to lose our jobs with no clear knowing if even if the road is fixed will we be able to go back. And then, I have my dad in a seniors home and don’t want him to be a statistic even he shares with me he is worried that he will get the virus. I understand that right now life is on hold until…. and that unknown date is what is hard to grasp. There is no clear knowing and lifting some of the restrictions and the number skyrocket up is a real threat. Continue reading

Spiritual Life in Covid-19

The last time I felt normal was the first week in March. By the 9th it was starting to feel different. The news was blowing up here in Canada and then it is just a spiral of school shutting down, businesses closing, lay offs, toilet paper hoarding, etc. You all know what is happening so I don’t have to keep going.

Personally, I had a tough time the first week. My anxiety was up. The world was shifting and it was hard to make sense out of it. I had my job but, the kids had no school anymore. There was aspects of our lives that stayed the same and other parts that felt flipped over. As time has gone on with the next couple weeks I had felt moments of good with fear creeping in here and there. Continue reading

Chasing Happiness

It’s futile!

You can’t chase happy. It isn’t something to be found but to be created.

I’ve been very mixed up on what happiness is for me. I’ve tried making others happy which I thought would return back to me. No dice. I’ve struggled with happiness thinking it was something to find outside of myself. But what I’ve really learned is happiness comes from within when you are living your authentic true self, following your passions and being filled with gratitude. I am not always doing this. All my crutches that I’ve used to block out the truth are poison and I need to release them. Anything I have told myself to deceive my truth was pulled out from some foggy files of my youth. I felt like I had things figured out but it is what I didn’t want to see which makes it so dangerous. The good feelings of love, joy and happiness elude me and control and fear replaced them Continue reading

The Stories We Tell

Ego – is a false sense of self as shared by Eckhart Tolle. I’ll paraphrase Oprah to acknowledge the ego definition that “nothing, no material item, no position in life, no status, no job, no thing has ever defined who you are.

But, I still fall for it.

The ego comes out of me when I so believe that something is unfair. The need to be right. The need to explain myself to show that this is right. The need to defend myself when someone says I’m wrong. It is when I watch people in power, not just in politics but even in my small community, take advantage of their position to make life better for themselves. They think only of themselves and somehow seem to have and take every advantage. Even in my belief that their ethics are wrong they somehow prove that they are wealthier and more often than not stuff works out for them. I get caught up in that whirlwind that is “so unfair.” That is ego. Oprah tells me that when something happens that is hard that I have to ask “what’s the lesson?” Continue reading

Walls Come Down

*Disclaimer: My life is not dark and dreary. Most of the time I would describe it as neutral, but that is the part of life I am tired of and seek to find more….happiness. The point is to pull down the walls that keep me enclosed.

It is a struggle at times to actively write in my blog. I’m sure there is no one in cyberspace that is disappointed, but I feel it for myself. I’ve mentioned that this blog is like a journal. I go back and read it and sometimes the woman in the post doesn’t feel like me anymore (which is good, letting stuff go) and sometimes she is extremely wise. At times my lack of writing it is because I cannot articulate what I want to say and sometimes I have nothing to say. But, this particular blog has been building up. I have worked on writing it, but the universe didn’t allow it to come to fruition. Until now. Continue reading

Note to Self

I always used to use that expression, “note to self” when I wanted to remember something. I haven’t used it in a long time and it came to me when I was thinking that I have had a lot of little things come up and felt they were important and didn’t want to forget. Here goes…

Note to Self:

I want to remember that all that has happened was to propel me forward. Even in the darkest times, my biggest failures, my rock bottoms, bad choices and shame happened to me for a Divine reason. At the time, I was in despair, but retrospect has changed me beyond what was possible if only I had good times going on in my life. If you were asked what situation has defined you; the reply would never be the trip to Hawaii it would always be the parts of life that has shaken you up. Continue reading

Hey

As I continue on this loving myself revolution I will say that it isn’t anything that I thought it would be. I clearly understand why people fail at resolutions because the things they want to change are tied to things they want to hide. Changing requires us the feelings and thoughts to come up and we have to acknowledge them. But, hiding the pain is why we are stuck in the first place. Continue reading

Update Mid-Month

I wanted to update all of you a week ago. I was on a euphoric-high and wanted to tell you all about it. I was so pumped! It was going to say something like….this positive thinking thing freaking works!! But, I got busy and didn’t have a chance. And then, real life started happening and I don’t feel like I am on such a high now. But, now I feel that this moment is actually more important to update you on. Continue reading

Resolutions to Love

That quote says it all…I vowed to love myself for my resolution for the new year. I technically started on Dec. 30 because I couldn’t wait for the 1st.

I decided that I would not waiver on meditation. I would add a whole bunch of affirmations from Louise Hay’s book, “How to Heal Your Life” and then vow to exercise more often. The affirmations are the kickers because they focus on uplifting and positively changing parts of my life that I feel can’t change because I have created limits on my life from an early age. But, also to just say kind things to myself instead of a put down. Continue reading