Yes, I Have Regrets


I worked on writing down my goals and desires. I tried to write down the first steps in moving forward and then added some deadlines to get motivated. I faltered there. Ego took over a lot and convinced me that I am crazy for wanting more. I have a good life. I still worked through and wrote it down, but when I stared at them nothing made me feel excited. I flipped the page over and then just wrote down every idea that I have had recently and filled up the page. I felt more excitement. They appeared to be more of a bucket list, but maybe that is what is needed from me. I have so many hopes and dreams and I am not even trying to fulfill them a little bit. Continue reading

Thinking Tower


“Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity” to serve. You don’t have to know the Second Theory of Thermal Dynamics in Physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love.”
– Excerpted from “The Drum Major Instinct”, a sermon by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1968.

As I read the quote from Martin Luther King I felt inspired that I could do great soul work too. I was ready to blog. I was ready to share my wisdom…and I had nothing to tell you except more of my pain. I struggled with it because ego says “I’m done with sharing where my fears comes from.” But, the soul whispers “Free your self.” Continue reading

Remembering

Every year for as long as I can remember I have made the trek to the cemetery. It was the annual honoring (cleaning) of the graves. My father’s family is buried there along with my sister. As a child, I wouldn’t help much. I would check out the graves and calculate the ages and feel sad for the smaller graves of children and babies that had only been days old. It was like a spring time project that we went to each year.  As I grew older though I helped clean. Trim the grass, rake it up, sweep it off the headstones and marble slabs and then wash the dirt off. We visit with other families that had come out to do the same. The next day which would be Sunday, there would be church, lunch in town and then a service at the cemetery. The priest would  go around and bless each grave that was requested. Continue reading

Spring Storm

The sun is out and it feels like spring here in my shiny province of Alberta. I went for my run/walk because my body isn’t there to run only. I saw the pussy willows starting to come out. It is really a sure sign until I heard the most majestic noise…thunder. It is spring. The dark clouds rolled in and I heard the sound that isn’t here during our torment of snow during winter. My first thought was yes please! Rain! Let that warm rain take away the rest of snow and bring out the green grass. And when the landscape gets brighter so does our hearts. Continue reading

The Honest Truth

I want to be clear. If I ever give off the impression that I got this whole “life” thing figured out. I do not. I’m sorry if it comes across that way. I would say about half my life I wore a heavy veil over my eyes. I had some natural ability to be a counselor to my friends and trusted my gut without explanation. But, I was heavily shrouded with my outside self and less focused on my true self. Continue reading