No Return to Normal

The pandemic has changed me.

When this first started all I could think of was that I wanted things to go back to normal. After time, you start to wonder what normal is for you and your family. The time continues on and the fear holds us all there. Social media and the news outlets are a far cry from calming those fears. Then, you realize then you will never go back to the normal you had known. For me, I could manage, but for my family the children especially, had a hard time to adjust to the social distancing and the lack that online school brought. Continue reading

Saying Yes

I get a lot of ideas and most of them I don’t do. It is a pattern and am starting to get a better understanding of why I don’t do it. Fear.

So, I got a few ideas recently as yesterday and I realized the fear came up right away and then I said but the intuition feeling of “yes” was there. I would make any client or friend listen to it. I listen to it if it is with my safety or decision making process so why can’t I say yes now. Continue reading

Healing Begins

I was asked to do a beginners meditation class in a private setting. The hostess organized it and I showed up. Her and I didn’t discuss much about the event but agreed to a few details like time and place. I try to not think much about it because I am not a good person when I get into my own head. I am best to stay clear and believe that I can allow the soul to come forward.  Continue reading

Meditation Heals

She’s sitting in a peaceful room. A strong light illuminates from her. It is her soul shining. The walls start out as blank, but as she sits there then words start appearing along with images on the white walls. She wants to look away but she is unable to move. The memories of the past start flooding the walls to reveal all her fears, humiliations and resistance to her path. But, it also showed when she acted poorly to others and caused the same raw emotions for them. The walls went blank again. Her heart had to reckon with all she saw and felt. She asked herself, “Now what?”. A voice responded with, “Honor your soul. Be authentic. Be kind. Be still. It is time to answer your calling.” In a moment the walls revealed amazing moments of gratitude, kindness that she had given as well as received. She understood in her heart that it was those moments she had to make that a constant in her life. She was going to create change and the first place to start was within. Continue reading

My Self, My Life


I examined my life. I felt a freedom in it. I looked at life and realized that I had told the stories to keep it all logical because I didn’t want to feel any of the pain. The raw emotions were vulnerability and back then that was scary. It still has its moments.

Fast forward. I went and saw two different energy healers in a matter of a few days. They each helped in their own way. The first reminded me to keep being curious in my life. There were many things out there that I should look into and add to my life and practice. The second healer reminded me to be brave. What if I woke every morning and asked myself how could I be brave today? He told me to clearly define what it is I want. Homework!! Continue reading

Rhythm is a Dancer

I love the rhythm in my life because I can tap my foot to its beat. I have heard several different rhythms in my life and nothing compares to this one. I notice that having awareness that is beyond me, and not only in self has created a new assortment of tunes that play in this body. I feel the energy of others and their rhythm plays with mine. It is like this fantastic orchestra. What is this rhythm? It is the vibration of energy. We are all made of it. Our energy is what people respond to even if they don’t speak to you. It is what creates a charge between lovers, or a stranger that becomes an instant friend. It is what we can’t see but what we feel. My rhythm is changing, but always improving. This doesn’t mean my life is perfect, but that is imperfectly perfect. Problems, stresses and concerns are still there, but the ability to manage it has improved.

Years previous I had rhythms that would have depicted my chaos. My mother’s death is a good example of so many emotions brewing inside me. Sober, I would have covered my ears and tried to hide from it, but it would follow me. My mind would feel crazy and I would have blamed all of that feeling on others. Drunk, I would have tried to drown it out, which may have worked for a while. But, it would never last.

I’ve had times of depression when the rhythm would have been exactly that, depressing. It would have crescendo like waves, but only bleakness and sadness cascading all around me. Happiness would have been elusive since the rhythm would have felt painful and alive. It is like turning the light when your eyes have adjusted to the dark.

Then the rhythm that is most difficult to pinpoint is the one that you don’t notice. It is constant but you are so distracted. Life has focused you only on getting up, going to work, coming home and going to sleep. Or, it is about doing things for others and doing nothing for you. It is being so unfocused on what life is truly about and that can cause the most pain. This is where if you can catch a rhythm that you ask yourself a question, “What am I doing?” “What is my life about?” “Why am I with this person?” “Why have I cared about all this stuff? Why have I lost all my friends?” “Why am I alone?” “Why am I here?” .

At my age, which is 40, so many people have asked those same questions. Life seems too short. You don’t want to waste any more time. If you have a family children seem to show the years going by in an increasing rate. But, it also is a warning not to wait for your children to move out before you answer some of your own questions. Can I answer them? I write this blog as a testament to what I have discovered in my own life. If I write this and tell you my story and make you see something different in your life and make you hear your own rhythm then I am serving my purpose.

So, maybe it’s time to hear your own rhythm in your life. What is it telling you? Where is your focus? What is the common thread in your life? Listen and start grabbing the beat. If you don’t like it, change it. It is time.

Sending light and love to all of you!