It is a foreboding message. But, it is also honest and expected. One day, we will die.
I got an early morning call from where my dad lives and they said he had been taken by ambulance. My first response after I hung up the phone was to notice what I felt in the moment and I felt calm which gave me the notion that my father was going to be ok. Last time he had called and went in by ambulance I didn’t have that ok feeling I knew that it was more serious and even though both paramedics and emergency doctor did not believe me when I said he had a stroke until his tests came back positive. I trust myself. Continue reading
Every year for as long as I can remember I have made the trek to the cemetery. It was the annual honoring (cleaning) of the graves. My father’s family is buried there along with my sister. As a child, I wouldn’t help much. I would check out the graves and calculate the ages and feel sad for the smaller graves of children and babies that had only been days old. It was like a spring time project that we went to each year. As I grew older though I helped clean. Trim the grass, rake it up, sweep it off the headstones and marble slabs and then wash the dirt off. We visit with other families that had come out to do the same. The next day which would be Sunday, there would be church, lunch in town and then a service at the cemetery. The priest would go around and bless each grave that was requested. Continue reading
Oh mom, I think I jinxed myself with this one. I got the sign Pets and thought oh great, I never see animals and rarely my own dog. I work in an office all day. The weather was cold and it gets dark early. I wasn’t feeling it. And that is what ruined this one for me.
My dog acted super calm which was unusual but not really anything exciting. The kids said nothing about animals or wanting a pet or anything related to pets. I saw nothing strange with animals or strange behaviors.
The only saving grace was that my friend texted me several times saying her dog was barking at things that weren’t there. Barking into the house when no one was home. She acted unusual and my friend told me about it. It would make sense to do that to a person who is among animals all day unlike myself.
Thank you mom for everything. I think I was distracted with the noise of my human self. I’m over it now and am looking forward to the next one.
I don’t speak to you very often. I don’t acknowledge you very much either. It isn’t that I don’t think of you, but I didn’t understand the human spirit or the soulful spirit yours is now. I denied you being out there near me for many years. I felt disconnected to you when you died and I didn’t understand what would happen to your soul or to mine. It took a decade for me to feel you near, but our relationship had changed so much that it was like rediscovering who you were to me. I did. I spent time asking questions to Dad about you. I wanted to understand. I wanted to forgive the pain that had hung on so long. You were mean to me on your death bed. It hurt. You didn’t share with me what was going on. I felt so in the dark about your illness. I know you were hoping to protect me, but looking back I felt so isolated. I didn’t cry in front of you but saved that for my Math 20 teacher. Continue reading