Ego for me is wanting to stay safe and comfortable. I will deceive myself in any way possible to make my mind take a problem and turn it around in different ways for it to fit right in my world. I want to shelf it and put it in my brain cells as solved. I will not trust her again. He is a horrible person. That hurt my feelings so I will no longer attend those social functions and on and on. I tried to justify my world and make it safe again.
In awareness it is true freedom to live a life with purpose. But, there is a level of being uncomfortable. You will face a problem and have emotions but will allow them to pass through without judgement and fear. We have been taught to live by ego so that means that we believe we must behave a certain way, wear certain clothes, talk correctly, etc. We have rules that dictate our behavior that society created or we made up. We do it to make our world inside safe and understandable. In awareness we don’t harbor what society tells us to say, think or do. We must follow our intuition and trust God, Source and the universe. Continue reading
“Wherever you are, that is your platform.” Oprah Winfrey.
I couldn’t bear to write anything this past month. I have promised the truth in this blog but when I get to a layer of my self that I can barely stand to look at with such obvious shame I stammer at saying anything. I was practicing meditation, but it was hitting a plateau. I wasn’t giving up, but it wasn’t feeling right either. Continue reading
A safe life seems like what we all secretly want for ourselves. It seems that if we don’t have bad things happen then we will live a life that is comfortable and peaceful. The fear on the outside of what we can’t control makes taking a risk stop us in our tracks. The fear and worry outside of our homes is what motivates us to stay in. We feel any pain and we board up window, close more doors until we can’t see out. Instead of releasing the pain we protect it within ourselves. Continue reading
I’m still here.
It is an unusual time for me. I noticed that I haven’t really chatted with any friends. I’m not bothered by it. But, it all happened at the same time which made me notice it. And then I read that you need isolation to have a shift happen in your life. Isolation always felt scary like being alone is the worst thing that can happen, but I’ve learned being at peace by myself is a gift. Continue reading
I have learned some valuable lessons over my time in searching for answers to this life of mine. And I am going to share them with you and document them for myself. I can tell you these lessons have all come with pain, tears and great joy but they changed everything for me.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart
Being thankful for everything you have right now can really keep your heart and mind at peace. If you constantly can see the good in your situation it can make such an amazing difference. The best thing I ever heard when it came to gratitude was that even in our stormiest times that we should say thanks for the lesson we were going to learn. We don’t learn anything from staying safe and even a situation perceived as bad can teach us an amazing part of our self that we are stronger and better then we thought. Continue reading
*The only reason I can write this blog is because as I promised from last post that I had to take a risk. I did it. I wrote up a 4 week beginner meditation proposal that I would facilitate and sent it to an organization to see if they would allow me in their space. I sent it and felt naked.
I know we understand what being naked is like in the physical body, but what happens when we strip down the spiritual body? And what are we taking off?
My spiritual body is my soul. As I enter the human body it doesn’t take long for my limitations and walls to start going up. Protections need to be made, boundaries are drawn and labels start to stick which in turn start to block the soul from reaching the space between us and our True Self. Continue reading
I worked on writing down my goals and desires. I tried to write down the first steps in moving forward and then added some deadlines to get motivated. I faltered there. Ego took over a lot and convinced me that I am crazy for wanting more. I have a good life. I still worked through and wrote it down, but when I stared at them nothing made me feel excited. I flipped the page over and then just wrote down every idea that I have had recently and filled up the page. I felt more excitement. They appeared to be more of a bucket list, but maybe that is what is needed from me. I have so many hopes and dreams and I am not even trying to fulfill them a little bit. Continue reading
I refuse to move from this spot until I make another choice. I want to choose as I always have…the choice of staying small. I sit here thinking a miracle will happen but the universe has conspired to stand back and let me choose. I know if I choose the same I’ll end up here in a year in the same exact spot just a different date on the calendar.
If I choose different then I must be vulnerable and face my fears. The fears of getting some attention, failing, falling on my face, rising to new heights and all the other possibilities. Continue reading
“Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity” to serve. You don’t have to know the Second Theory of Thermal Dynamics in Physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love.”
– Excerpted from “The Drum Major Instinct”, a sermon by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1968.
As I read the quote from Martin Luther King I felt inspired that I could do great soul work too. I was ready to blog. I was ready to share my wisdom…and I had nothing to tell you except more of my pain. I struggled with it because ego says “I’m done with sharing where my fears comes from.” But, the soul whispers “Free your self.” Continue reading
I heard Deepak Chopra mention in a meditation that “There is a tendency, unfortunately, spirituality involves renouncing your desires. But, there is nothing impure about desire itself.” That statement brought me to this blog to create a voice about my spirituality dilemma and the church I grew up in. Continue reading