I had an epiphany yesterday driving to the hockey arena. The arena has really wonderful people in it, but also very high-energy, competitive, controlling, manipulative people there too. It got me thinking about all the varied personalities on the way there for the second time that day because of our hockey tournament. Continue reading
I have had a great privilege coaching for 4 years in soccer. I started out as an assistant and then for 2 years took on head coach. I am one of the few women that coach in the higher age groups. It is challenging to work with 13 and 14 year olds. Most days I’m muttering under my breath about puberty and hormones and one day they’ll be normal. I took on the volunteer roles in order for my own daughters to play the sport they love. The first year coaching was with my oldest and then the last 3 years with my middle daughter. Continue reading
There isn’t anything more hilarious then my children and their antics. We just can’t go through the day without someone saying or doing something that makes me shake my head or laugh out loud.
It starts innocently. I make supper. I try to make variations in those meals. I try to buy different veggies and even fruits for them to try. We had asparagus tonight. My husband and I like it. One daughter eats it. Other daughter tries not to take any. I put one on my son’s plate. So, he eats everything else but leaves the lonely asparagus. He wants ice cream. I say you have to eat the green thing first. Continue reading
I caught myself doing it again. I blog about stuff, but I try to not show you the real juicy stuff. I graze over my troubles with a dismissive hand gesture. Like no big deal, we all go through it, and then I move onto how I overcame my battle. Ughhhhh. Continue reading
I have a split personality. I have the awareness, spiritual side. That side of my parenting and me as a woman in the world is very calm and peaceful. When she is strongly connected in spirit, surrounded by nature and in harmony she does offer the best advice. She sees her children as these souls experiencing life. She wants them to see themselves as they are and being ok with all of it.
The other side is the ego. It holds the fears. It shows itself mostly with anger, but it has sneaky ways too when I get a great idea and then quickly my brain tells me how I shouldn’t do that. I pass it off as no big deal, but in awareness I realize that was my fears at play. The ego yells at my kids and snots off the lady at the grocery store. It is the reactive place when I am not conscious.
The awareness is starting to be there more and more. Even if the ego starts its rant the awareness kicks in and stops me. I am working on this in my parenting of my children. I am trying to keep it in the forefront that each of my children are individuals and have a purpose here. I cannot impose my dreams on them. I have seen it already in many things. My kids all show athleticism in sports they try. I did too. But, wasn’t allowed the opportunity until I was older to join sport activities. I sent them off to soccer, volleyball, basketball and hockey. There has always been a small voice that says if you did all the training and took them into the elite levels they will make it. Then, the spirit asks is that what they want, or is it what I had wished for? I have to breathe. Is it my dream for them, or their own?
Is success for them based on my expectations?
It truly is the hardest thing to not force confirmation on them. To just allow them to be there and speak to them when I am in my awareness. I was upset with my daughter the other day because of a website she was on. I yelled at first, but soon realized, no that is not what I want to convey here. I immediately calmed my tone and told her the concern and that I wanted her to understand the stranger on the other side of the computer. Underneath all of that I told her, if you are lonely then lets make plans with your friends, or let’s watch the movie you wanted me to watch with you. I want you to focus your connection with real people and not think that connection will come from strangers. We watched the movie. When I spoke to her in the calm voice and tried to see what the real deal was she said to me, I love you. I know that’s her way of saying thank you for seeing me.
I want to help pave the road and open doors for them. But, I want them to choose if it is the road for them or the door to go through. I want them choosing in their awareness. I want them to remember that they’ve had the power all along and not to let them forget that the awareness is what they were born with. We, as a society, put the limitations and the children forget who they truly are to be. We must let them remember.
I was getting ready for a fundraising event and I had my phone playing music. A slow song came on and I let it play not thinking much about it. The song was over and it repeated. No songs had repeated up to that point, and no song repeated after. It was strange. The song was, “I Believe in Love”. It made me ask, do I believe in love? Continue reading
A friend asked that I blog about judgmental parents. I thought oh sure, that is such an easy topic, but I think she wanted me to make a plea to parents to be kinder when speaking about other people’s children. It seems to be so common in our society. Is it truly just a human condition? As a human, we are constantly comparing, judging and measuring. Are they better or are they less than us? We can’t ever seem to let it be. I was one of those parents long ago and maybe catch myself thinking or saying it once in a while even now. I held my ruler up and measured them against how I was as a parent and many failed. Some parents didn’t fail, but somehow seemed like they had it together better then me then I felt jealousy. Once in a while, I make it sound like I have it all together when I don’t. A parent will talk to me about their own children and most times I will say yes, I have been there, but sometimes I offer advice on what I have told my own children, but it makes me feel like I’m sounding superior. I don’t like it about me. I try to remain aware in conversations when people reach out. They want to be heard and supported and not reminded of their failings. Continue reading
Bubby: If you believe in God then you go to heaven?
Me: What do you think?
Bubby: Yes. When I die I’ll get to heaven and meet Terry Fox*(see note below)? (He had recently watched a video at school and was very touched by his journey.)
Me: Yes, you would meet Terry Fox. It’s not just believing in God it’s being the good person and being kind to one another and that’s how you get to heaven. (Had to add the being good part)
Bubby: Mom? Will you always be my mom?
Me: Yes. Forever.
Bubby: But, when I die and come back in another life you won’t be my mom?
Me: (I had to pause here, my kid is talking about reincarnation) Well, maybe I’ll come back as your kid and you’ll be my dad. Maybe we will be best friends. Maybe we will get married.
Bubby: Ewwww. (And laughs but quickly gets serious again) Mom one day you’ll die. I don’t like that.
Me: Yes, but then I’ll get to meet Terry Fox and I’ll keep watching over you. And I’ll wait for you to live your life and do amazing things and then you can come join me and Terry Fox in heaven.
Bubby: Don’t be a scary ghost. I’ll lock you out of the house. (Laughing)
Me: One day you’ll get older and you’ll understand it’s not so scary. You and I are bonded forever even if we die we will continue being together. But, until your older and can understand this more just know that right now I’m your mommy in this life. I can see you feel worried and I don’t want you to worry about it anymore.
We snuggled up and watched our movie. But it got me thinking and watching him out of the corner of my eye. How does a little person think such big thoughts? And it occurred to me that it’s the soul talking. It brought up our connection to each other. It may appear it was his anxiety but I believe that my job as his mother is to just awaken his soul memory and that he is a much grander soul then me. And I understand why he came to me in this life.
In the awakening of my soul memory and serving my purpose here on earth I will be able to help my children to remember why they are here. Thank you Bubby for that gift!!
* Terry Fox waas a Canadian athlete, humanitarian, and cancer research activist. In 1980, with one leg having been amputated, he embarked on a cross-Canada run to raise money and awareness for cancer research. Although the spread of his cancer eventually forced him to end his quest after 143 days and 5,373 kilometres (3,339 mi), and ultimately cost him his life, his efforts resulted in a lasting, worldwide legacy. The annual Terry Fox Run, first held in 1981, has grown to involve millions of participants in over 60 countries and is now the world’s largest one-day fundraiser for cancer research; over C$650 million has been raised in his name. (Wikipedia)
I’m at war. I slick my hair in a ponytail for efficiency plus the grease from not washing it helps hold it in place. My battle begins like every other day. I expect the people I love to lend a helping hand or give me a few kind words of support. It doesn’t happen. It instead gets ugly. Continue reading