The last time I felt normal was the first week in March. By the 9th it was starting to feel different. The news was blowing up here in Canada and then it is just a spiral of school shutting down, businesses closing, lay offs, toilet paper hoarding, etc. You all know what is happening so I don’t have to keep going.
Personally, I had a tough time the first week. My anxiety was up. The world was shifting and it was hard to make sense out of it. I had my job but, the kids had no school anymore. There was aspects of our lives that stayed the same and other parts that felt flipped over. As time has gone on with the next couple weeks I had felt moments of good with fear creeping in here and there.
I feel we are going to be ok. We still have time to get through and I feel like it won’t be forever. The problem is to get there, to that place in the future that everything is ok again. It is indefinite. The present moment is all we have now. It has been my focus in meditation and all the books I have read that say Now is all there is. I have always made it a goal to live in those moments but it is a struggle to be present “all” the time. My mantra has been “day by day”.
Reality. Jobs have been lost with businesses closed. The numbers of sick have increased. The numbers of death have increased as well. The problem is that real life is also happening behind the virus effects. There were weddings, baby showers, happiness and joyful moments planned. Then there are the sad parts of life happening as well like my aunt passed away and you normally would go about a memorial or funeral. It isn’t going to happen. You feel bad for the family because the one son couldn’t even see his mom before she passed because he was in isolation while waiting to see if someone tested was positive or negative who he had been in contact with. His mother passed and then later he heard the tester was negative. He felt bad. The visiting was so strict you couldn’t have seen her if you tried. It is hard to help them other than via text or phone calls. This is hard, but I have been reminded things that are harder.
Recent events in my community:
A woman diagnosed with breast cancer and now finding out it is in her lymph nodes.
A woman dying of a brain aneurism leaving behind her husband and 5 children.
Real life is happening with the virus looming around us. Hard things. My friend always reminds me that we have to “live every day with no regrets”. All that is happening is happening to all of us. We will all have a setback with either events in our lives, financial burdens, other health issues, lack of social contact, etc. and all of us will feel the effects for a long time.
The other part is the people. I am alarmed at the humans out there. This is such an unprecedented time. We have never faced anything like this in our times. The thing I notice the most is that whatever your true nature was like in February 2020 is now amplified going into March. So, if you were compassionate, greedy, selfish, loving, etc. it is what fuels you now. If you were fearful of anything that has also become larger as well.
I have been preparing for this time. I have meditated. I have worked through my pain, my fears and failures. They have not all disappeared but I feel ok. I want to stay in this space of awareness. I want to acknowledge that my community and country are in pain. There is fear and it is real and palpable in the air. I am prepared that things could go in any direction. I am not in perfect shape with money. It all would be a set back. But, I think with time I could get back into shape. At this time, I have my job and my husband does too. We are super grateful for all we have. I want to stay open to love and compassion. I want to hear others and not think of myself. I want to be a support and not a drain. In this time, it feels like it is all I can do.
Stay healthy out there. Wash your hands and don’t touch your face. Offer help to your neighbours, friends and family at a distance. Check in with others. The most important thing is that the TV, internet access can be turned off and you can unplug from all the stuff. Spend some time outdoors. I noticed the birds were flying back north because spring is coming. The days here are getting longer. Get back to the basics of life. There is a lesson in all of this. I am grateful for a lot of things and even I recognize that I have taken things for granted. I don’t want to feel that way. If this is my only life and I am here living it I want it to the best I can make it. Wishing you that as well. Sending love to you all!