I had started talking myself out of it but stopped and said this is the pattern of not following through. I struggle with failing and having to announce it’s cancelled. Blah blah I’m not good enough. Then the other issue becomes the lack of people that want to join. It’s not me I know. It’s the night. It’s the economy. It’s a million things but not many have to do with me specifically.
The struggle was this: I had 7 people that said yes. I was happy but was calculating costs of space and supplies and it isn’t much profit but still profitable. I had asked for more but when it came in a small bundle I wasn’t grateful enough. I didn’t hold my ego in a humble place.
So, how did I learn my lesson?
The weekend before spirit said check your supplies. I was still getting over my spiritual breakdown from the week before. I got distracted and didn’t do as I should have. After a hockey game I stopped and only grabbed 5 canvasses and blue paint. In my mind I thought I saw some more blank canvas in the garage.
The days after leading up to the paint night I kept surrendering my thoughts that it’s wasn’t enough. I wish I had a few more but quickly kept saying be grateful. The day of the paint night one of the patrons asked if they could bring one more. I said sure. It wasn’t until I started driving home after work that I considered that maybe I didn’t have enough canvas for the extra. Uh oh. The realization that I had been warned and could have fixed this case rushing in. I asked spirit, do I have enough and I got the knowing “no”.
I got home and I had 6. The ones I had blank were painted and just piled up with the blank ones. I hadn’t looked. I needed 8. The dilemma here is that the closest places are a drive. My time was tight to go and get to venue and set up. What have I done? I felt the panic. I realized my warnings that I ignored because I was stuck in my nonsense of not enough.
I went to the end of my driveway. I could turn right and go to the town that I knew would have but it would guarantee me running late. Or I could turn to the left and go to a town that’s closer that may have some but I’d be screwed if they don’t. And turning left would have wasted more time if I had to go back the other way. I asked spirit which way to go. Left. Of course, the scariest turn to make riddled with the most ways it could go wrong. I had to call 2 stores. So Siri helped me contact the first one. No. Nothing there. Second store, they put me on hold for a long time. I was nearing the next highway in which the final turn to go to either town. One was the longer way and guaranteed and the other was a big risk. The risk way was the one that spirit pointed to and I was resolved I had to go. I turned right this time. The store person got on the phone and confirmed they had some there. Sigh. I still had to get there and grab them.
I got them. Drove back and got to the space with time to set up. I had little time to think about it. I did the paint night. Cleaned up and went home. But when the house was winding down I took time to close my eyes and thank that the lesson was learned. I wanted more but when more was presented to me it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t get it until I absolutely could have embarrassed myself by being late and that I wasn’t prepared. It still feels a little embarrassing to even tell this tale. I don’t ever want to forget this feeling of not being grateful for anyone who chooses to come to an event I plan.
I’m extremely grateful for the mother/daughters that ended up showing up to the event. I’m thankful my guides allowed me to suffer a bit to learn but didn’t let me fail. You’re path is always being lit up. Trust the universe. I pushed aside the warnings. I was too wrapped up in my human misery to notice it. Learn from me and when you hear the call big or small answer the damn thing!!