Uncomfortable In Art

I wanted to finally write a blog about a small act of bravery then my normal “struggling” posts. Sorry to disappoint, but this one turned into a struggle as well. I had this small excitement about entering this art show. I hadn’t done anything like it and so there was a rise inside and I had little expectations but generally I thought it would bring me happiness. I had put in 5 paintings for consideration and only 2 were chosen. That is fine. I had gone out on a limb just to see if they would choose any and they did. Small happy moment.

I went to drop off the paintings and the Curator was very nice. She asked me, “Are you excited or nervous?” And I replied, “Nervous.” I saw some of the other artwork and felt a little less happy. They were framed and just looked more professional. I mentioned to her that I didn’t realize that I should have framed them and she was like it is fine and it wasn’t important. I had to leave them as they were. I felt some doubt. Continue reading

Can’t Go Back

I’ve been working on this spiritual awareness stuff for awhile. I struggle. Sometimes I think I want to go back to the heavy veil over my eyes before there was awareness of the bigger picture. So, I let my mind wander back about 9 years ago. I was getting my worse cases of anxiety. My little girls were in elementary school and I struggled with them telling me their struggles. I would have been calling the school more. I would have probably developed some illnesses and depression. I had very little friends in the community and I had a constant war inside of knowing that this wasn’t important, but thinking it was everything. I lived in constant fear. I wanted to make my home a safe and comfortable place, but I know that comfortable isn’t safe at all. You never take a risk and you can’t discover your passion. Continue reading