It is a foreboding message. But, it is also honest and expected. One day, we will die.
I got an early morning call from where my dad lives and they said he had been taken by ambulance. My first response after I hung up the phone was to notice what I felt in the moment and I felt calm which gave me the notion that my father was going to be ok. Last time he had called and went in by ambulance I didn’t have that ok feeling I knew that it was more serious and even though both paramedics and emergency doctor did not believe me when I said he had a stroke until his tests came back positive. I trust myself.
I drove in. My dad was there and he already felt better. He had some trouble breathing but it turns out he had fluid around his heart and so they gave him medication to help remove the water. In a way, the part that gets to me is that my 85 year old father is slowly getting weaker. He started with a cane a year ago and now he wants a walker just for the support. He has been doing really great for his 85 years and has reminded me how to do retirement right, but when his wife’s health started to decline and he became the caregiver he quickly started to decline as well.
When I arrived at the hospital I saw a friend’s family there and many were crying. I knew that it must be her father in the room but gave them space and went to see my dad. I came out later and she was there and told me her father had just passed. He had beat the odds with his cancer over the past few years, but it had finally caught up to him. She had seen me previously for energy healing and I had told her that she should enjoy the moments with her dad and he was still there so that he still had purpose on earth. We hugged and I felt the tears welling up for me. I left her to be with her family.
My dad eventually got the ok to go home. I got him settled in. I started to drive and head to my office. I saw a vehicle I recognized and the passenger in the front caught my eye. It was an old friend but someone who I don’t see or talk to anymore. She was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. In the sunlight shining through she glowed for a moment while our vehicles passed each other and showed me her thin, frail and withered body. I burst into tears.
I have been reading (Caroling Myss, “Anatomy of the Spirit”) about energy in the body and that our thoughts lay an imprint on our cells. Everything that happens can be received and stored in our body. If enough of the energy stays in our limits and patterns then it can cause disease and illness. While I read I think of my mother and her ovarian cancer diagnosis and wonder about why it developed. But, seeing others developing cancer that is so devastating and is bringing on early death just made the emotions burst out of me. How can I help? What could I do? With reading the book I have been working on my own healing and letting go. And then I realized after going to the arena that same evening and having a discussion with another mom about some of these things I realized that I would like to share this way of being to others. And I understand now why I have been repeatedly told to share with the community because that is how this reaches more people.
I know in my deepest of heart that this is true for me. I want others to live more free from the confines of the worries and pain that we create and store in our body. But, I also know that I need to give more of myself than I have chosen to give. I will be free once I can do that more easily. The more I give the more I will receive in my heart.
And for the people who are reading this fighting their own battles or knowing loved ones fighting for their life and to the ones that I know I send you all healing. May the light shine on your back to push you forward and may your mind be open to remembering why you are here on Earth. It was not to focus on money, habits, worry and anger. It was to evolve our soul and do what makes us feel alive and whatever that is you must share it with the people around you. May we come to these realizations sooner then later and may you be free to choose.
Death felt so near to me and I didn’t want to take for granted being shown its face. I cried for the fear that surrounds me in living my best life. I cried knowing that I would regret not taking more chances and risks. And, I cried knowing that time is fleeting, but in a blink of an eye 42 years can go by just as quickly. It is time.