Thinking Tower

“Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve. You don’t have to know about Plato and Aristotle to serve. You don’t have to know Einstein’s “Theory of Relativity” to serve. You don’t have to know the Second Theory of Thermal Dynamics in Physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love.”
– Excerpted from “The Drum Major Instinct”, a sermon by Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., 1968.

As I read the quote from Martin Luther King I felt inspired that I could do great soul work too. I was ready to blog. I was ready to share my wisdom…and I had nothing to tell you except more of my pain. I struggled with it because ego says “I’m done with sharing where my fears comes from.” But, the soul whispers “Free your self.”

What was I thinking? Did I think that I could talk about one part of my vulnerability and then I could rise above never to look at it anymore? I wanted to believe it was possible but what I noticed was that it didn’t move me any further ahead. I told myself that I was going to start stepping out in big ways and my wheels were spinning and I abandoned that vehicle to make a trek up the tower of solitude. I tried to make my life safe again. I created stillness but no further tearing down the walls around my heart. It was peaceful staring out of my locked tower until I realized that nothing changed. I walked down the stairs, unlocked the door and stepped outside. And for me, that was watching Super Soul Sessions “Love Warriors walk towards the pain.” – Glennon Doyle Melton, Super Soul Sunday, “Vulnerability is the best measure of courage.” -Brene Brown, meditating and hearing the words from Jay Shetty, “The teacher has failed more times than the student has tried.”
But, pain and vulnerability is what we avoid at all costs. It sucks to try and fail. It sucks to be alone, depressed, lose people we love, go through financial ruins and in the end anything that doesn’t feel good. We are a pleasure seeking society. We only want to feel good. We want easy over hard. We want to watch others have a worse life then us so we feel good about ourselves. We have lost our compassion and empathy for others. We have lost the inability to be happy for others in their success. And, if someone who we thought was doing better than us and they fall on their face a snide remark may leave our lips that remarks ‘good for that bitch’ or ‘glad that’s not me.’.
Recently I reread this post from Elizabeth Gilbert which was good, but it was a comment she made to someone else that I felt like I had been punched in my stomach. She said my inspiration/passion owes me NOTHING in return. You just get the privilege to interact with your inspiration. I may very well have no success (measured by society or my own judgement) but it is not why I should do it. Of course a punch in the gut makes you sit in wonder of what you just read. I am just supposed to do my passion for the sake of doing it. No other reason. It goes against everything you have ever thought or been taught on the subject. My newsfeed is littered with everyone showing their kids accomplishment or projecting their life as perfect. They never want to show the time their kid told them to ‘fuck off’ but only when lil’ Damian won a medal. It is only about how well we are or at least appear to look to others. NOTHING IN RETURN!! We just do what we were meant to do with nothing in return. It is so DEEP! It makes you think what the hell and also so freeing.
Then Glennon joins me with ‘we have vulnerability as the best measure of courage’. This statement scares me to death. And then Elizabeth says you must follow your passion not requiring any outcome. I feel naked standing here in society and if people weren’t staring at their smart phones they may notice me nude and shaking. Instead, this pulls me to Martin Luther King’s quote which pulls me to my vulnerability of my wisdom and lack of education. I posted this quote on my Facebook page a week or more ago. I posted it at first because I thought ‘ya, you don’t need a university degree to do good things, you just need a good heart and soul to serve.’ But, what I didn’t realize is that I am more affected by that statement then I had thought I had convinced myself. I have no formal education in “my work”. I love to write but I know that I am not the most grammatically sound writer out there. I have no formal training in art, but just a love for creating. I enjoy energy healing but can’t convince nor prove how it works just that it does. Do all these things make “my work” any less? To my true self no way. But, to my ego the fear creeps in and tells me I’m not enough and that who am I to tell my story? I thought more on the quote and realized that it is that I feel that I am not worthy of good things and thinking I am not enough, because there are so many better people out there. Spirit whispers, there is a greater need for healers then there are people stepping up to be them. I grab the handle of the door to enter back into my tower. Pause.

Then Tony Robbins pulls up to the castle which I am really thinking about climbing up the stairs to get back into my tower to start thinking about what to do and Tony says no more thinking it is time for action. I was watching his Super Soul session and he told the audience that I want you to act now and get excited about life. He had people jumping up and down and cheering. He had them laughing. He explained about action is how we can create happiness and joy. I thought back over the last few days how these stories and quotes had kept hitting me so that I would pay attention. I have been thinking for 40 years I believe that it is time for action and not to waste any more time. I ask for the next right step and if I can pay attention to all of this then I can pay attention for the next sign and the next step.



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