Love Jack

We got a new baby. He is so soft and sweet. His eyes are filled with knowledge. The kids are so happy when we brought him home. We connected and I had such high hopes that the transition of our new little guy into the family would be a pleasant one. It was. And then the reality hits the family that this is work. Our little baby has sharp teeth. He chews on everything. I’ve dug plastic wrappers, rocks, clumps of dirt out of his mouth trying to dodge the fangs in the process.

You guessed it, we brought a puppy home. Jack is our new addition. Now, I have to be honest and say I had made the big mistake of saying; I would never get a puppy again. Never! I do not want a puppy. It seems every time I say “I do not” I absolutely get it. I do not want to win the lottery…..ok had to throw that in. If you’ve ever had puppy they are a lot of work. It is like bringing home a new baby. I have enough on my plate and I knew that I would take on the responsibility of it more than anyone else in my family. It is why I refused many times. But, here we are with this tiny life. He cried and whimpered the first night away from his litter. It hurt my heart. The next night was better. We have become his human family.

He needs to be supervised so we spend a lot of time together. Jack is a good listener. I have told him my worries. I’ve pep talked the family about we have a chance to create a wonderful asset to our family if we could take the time to see Jack through the puppy stage. But, Jack freaks me out with his human looking eyes. They are greenish and he always looks a little sad. I had a breakdown and sat on the steps and told him I was sorry I wasn’t a better mom that day. He cocked his head and with his sad face he listened. He curled up beside me under my arm. He is very forgiving.

I had to leave him at home for work. He would be alone. I felt bad. I was having anxiety because I knew he would be sad. My friend stopped by the office and I was so grateful because I told her you can distract me. I didn’t know I had more room in my heart to now worry about another life. I hadn’t felt like this since my human children were little and I had to leave them. But, just like my children it was good for them to be without me, because they knew they’d be ok. Jack will too.

Having a dog pulls me in many directions. I have to be ok with dog poop again and the hair on my clothes. I have to accept the chewing, biting, and that nothing is safe from his teeth. I told Jack to stay on the mat while I made lunches and he barked at me. I told him I have 2 teens downstairs that talk back and that I didn’t like his attitude. He put his sad face on. Uh oh. The other aspect is that I realize that it is short lived to get through the neediest times, but I also had freedom before the puppy that I will miss. I could leave and not worry about anyone. The kids went to school and I went to work.

This puppy has stressed me out. It added more jobs to my day. I am cleaning up all the time. And then, he has also added his excitement to my life. He leaps and twists in the air when he sees me. He sleeps at my feet. He wants what we all want in life….love. If anyone I should be able to give my heart to it should be Jack. He won’t judge me. He forgives quickly. He doesn’t over analyze anything. He will always love me. He won’t give me the cold shoulder. And sadly, I still hesitate with him because I over analyze, judge and am selfish on who I give my love to. But, I see it now. Everyday Jack asks me to trust him and love. I hear it. Everyday I work on it to be a better person that is more loving. I am risking how I have always been to something I have to believe is true and that is “love is the answer”. Jack knows it and I just have to catch up.


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