So, I hear from my friend who tells me that she thinks I should open up my heart more. I recently related to all of you that I have this feeling of distance in my heart. But, after more contemplation I know there is love in all things. I love my little family. I have said to my children that I wanted to have more connection between all of us. Get off the ipods and computers and talk to one another. They really stepped up. My little boy proudly announced he hadn’t been on the computer for days. He enjoyed the fresh snow we got and was helping his dad. My other daughter was out riding her horse and helping me with the house. My middle daughter helped with the house as well, but accompanied me grocery shopping. We have had lots of laughs and I sensed everyone was feeling a connection.
But, they surprised me today. Our children asked me and my husband to sit together and they had something for us. They gave us a card with a lovely message written inside about how they appreciate us. They love us and thanked us for everything. They pooled their money together and gave us $50 to go out for a nice dinner. We told them we didn’t want their money, but they were really adamant that they wouldn’t take it back. My middle girl piped up, “when you go out for your date you can say nice things about your kids!” She’s always thinking!
I couldn’t help it but it made me choke up. My little boy was so struck by my tears that he asked me about it at bedtime. Why did it make you cry mom? I told him that it actually made me so happy and touched me deep in my heart and that’s why I cried. He said I’ve never seen you do that before. I guess I don’t show those things very often. He told me there is a lot of parents out there but none that are as good as you. He said I’ll always love you. I love you too.
It came so easy for him to say that to me. I forget that love is simple. It is truly letting go. It is just knowing deep within yourself that this person matters to your heart. You don’t need a big accident, death or something to slap you upside the head to remind you of it. It is in the big hug he gave me when he wished me a good sleep. It is how my 15 and 12 year old daughters still find me before they go to bed and hug me and say they love me and kiss me. They give it so freely. It has always been there….the love.
There can never be any doubt my mother loved me. She would have had these moments with me at some point at some time. She would have taken care of me when I was sick. She would have given me what she was able to at the time. It was love. I loved her. She was just like my kids tell me, there is no better mom than you.