My Self, My Life


I examined my life. I felt a freedom in it. I looked at life and realized that I had told the stories to keep it all logical because I didn’t want to feel any of the pain. The raw emotions were vulnerability and back then that was scary. It still has its moments.

Fast forward. I went and saw two different energy healers in a matter of a few days. They each helped in their own way. The first reminded me to keep being curious in my life. There were many things out there that I should look into and add to my life and practice. The second healer reminded me to be brave. What if I woke every morning and asked myself how could I be brave today? He told me to clearly define what it is I want. Homework!!

The first healer told me that the reason I needed to explore more about curiosity is because she can see that I would easily be comfortable in my life. She said that it would be ok to stay in that comfort, but feels that I am destined for more. It got me thinking that yes, I would stay in my comfort zone because where I am will easily allow it. I live in this sleepy little community. There is no Buddhist monks living close by. There is no ashrams. I live on a farm. I have children playing hockey, basketball and dance right now. If you saw me, I would look like all the mom’s you see. I would fit right in to the ideal of what a mother would look like here. But, deep down I don’t feel comfortable. I feel an unease and that it is becoming timely. Be brave I hear.

What does this mean? It means that I am focusing on working on Self. I meditate. I go out in nature. I read books that stir the soul and paint to be creative. I surround myself with a tribe of people that add to this practice. But, I get lost in my dreams of doing this big spiritual awakening and that I can share it with all of you and it will change the world and a bright beam of light will shine from my home like the opening of a night club. Sigh. But, every time I sense that isn’t what the point is I am directed to what is. My family tribe. I have a husband and 3 children. I had a big realization recently that made me realize that I can’t over focus on some spiritual oasis when I can’t create one in my own home. It is where I have to create it. So, I have focused on them but in a real life way. I want to take the time for connection. My purpose is to start with self. I need to come to peace within, which creates peace in my home, and then my family creates peace inside each of them and then we spread that goodness around to everyone we meet.  I will still continue my practice and continue to move forward with my growth, but I want to maintain the gratefulness I have for my family. They are perfect examples of hardships, growth, strength, persistence, finding balance and patience that will never be such amazing lessons on the outside as they are within our four walls.

Healing starts within. They are many therapists, councilors, psychologists to spiritual energy healers that you can visit, but they will always be directing you to make a change within. It all comes down to us. You and me. Let it start here with me. I am the only person I have control over. I am not the human and all the ego. I am the soul that resides within. That soul made a deal and chose the personality and body to join here on earth. I am no Buddhist monk and it appears that I was destined to shine my beacon of light from my little farm community. Because all healers are needed from all corners of the earth and I will do my best to shine over here on my parcel of earth. Be brave.


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