I’m at war. I slick my hair in a ponytail for efficiency plus the grease from not washing it helps hold it in place. My battle begins like every other day. I expect the people I love to lend a helping hand or give me a few kind words of support. It doesn’t happen. It instead gets ugly. Continue reading
I had a shift in my mind. It initially drew out sadness because it wasn’t the first time I had heard this information. But, I soon realized that it is a key to unlock a door for me. A while ago I had watched Elizabeth Gilbert on a Super Soul Sunday and she talked about how you are given these nudges and inspiration to lead you on your path. If we ignore it then it will stop. Your muse will go silent in its attempts to shed light to your passions. I sat up straighter at that time thinking of that. I had read her book “Big Magic” and felt that need to do stuff. But, I always stop because the “stuff” that I am inspired by is out of my comfort zone. I get fearful of trying. I can accept failure. I can accept success. But, what usually keeps me gripping my glass of wine in the confines of my home is just the willingness to try.
Last night I am reading “Ask Your Guides” by Sonia Choquette. There’s a brief chapter about this same thing. Your guides will give you inspiration, but if you don’t act on it then it may move onto another open soul that is more willing to do it. Or the idea will just die along with your lack of attempt. The sadness came upon me and a bit of shame. I got a small flashback of all the ideas I have ever had and that is how they stayed. It is like I can see the idea and then my mind runs through it. It seems so good and I feel happy and if I don’t do it right then and there that is exactly how far it will go. The other aspect that Sonia talks about is how you may have had an idea and then never acted upon it, but then later see that someone else did and had great success. You get that sense that they stole it from you, but reality is that they were inspired and did it.
The sadness couldn’t stay for long and so I reminded myself that hearing this same message again and again is a blessing. It means that my guides haven’t given up on me. They are hoping that I get it sooner, but are good with later. I just haven’t taken the inspiration seriously. But, I have realized that it is like they give me a gift and I set it on the table and never look at it again. I really need to sit with it and decide to do something with it. Yes, sometimes I will still not be able to do it, but there are times that I make up excuses not to do it and mostly just tell myself I will have time later. I’ve been waiting for later my whole life. When I get the time I don’t have the time.
Since my fears have been so unassuming for so long it is hard to recognize them as a bad thing. They always seem so protective from harm, but all they seem to do is make a life not worth living. Fear to try. Fear to look like a fool. Fear to be turned to for the answers. Fear of hatred. Fear of love. And so I ask for help to take these fears away and inspire me so greatly that I will have no way to say no.
I’m walking down a dusty path. I can imagine it’s hot, but can’t feel it. I sense it is an earlier time. The silence of the earth is deafening. It has a lack of activity in the air. I see you in the distance with the others. We all stop, but I sense you feel I am threat. You don’t recognize me in this body. I approach and notice I have a long bustled skirt. Is this the 1800’s? You are on a horse, but you get off yours.
I sense death is near for me if he doesn’t really see me. I walk toward you with purpose. I feel I haven’t seen you in a longtime. Your indigenous culture does not trust me and especially since I am a woman. We get closer and you have a weapon in your hand. I am unwavering in my expression. I am determined that you know me. You are also making long strides to reach me, but when you get close enough to meet my eyes you falter. I say to you, can you see me? Your expression goes back to devilish since I spoke English to you. But, I reach you and put my hand on your heart. You see something in me.
Shouting starts and shots are fired. Your friends are fighting with my people. I grab your hand and we run into the trees. I’m not scared. In my mind, I ask you to close your eyes. You do it. I ask if you remember me. You nod. I tell you our time together is short but I needed to see you in this time. You nod again. You open your eyes and we look at each other. Soul recognizing soul.
Signs and symbols this week was flicking lights. I think the most profound thing that happened with flicking lights is when I went to our neighbor’s (B’s) home. She has a traction table in her basement because she’s a retired physiotherapist. I don’t use it, but I go to help strap in my husband because B’s hands aren’t what they used to be.
So, I am sitting waiting for his 25 minutes of stretch to be over. B is telling us a story of her residency days and this particular surgeon. They were doing a hip replacement and had to pick the right size and make sure it was for sure the right size because it was cemented in. The size was chosen. They tell the residents to go for a break and come back to watch the rest of it. She said we came back in and she asked the surgeon oh you changed the size? They all realized that the wrong size was put in and the surgeon made a joke about needing a hammer and the nurse’s head that handed him the wrong size. The light bulb in one area of the ceiling goes off. I right away think it is spirit because that’s where my mind instantly goes. I wonder if it is the gentleman B is talking about. It turns back on. Moments later it goes off again and then back on. I ask inside whether or not it will do it anymore but I get the feeling it has stopped. B says, “Oh there are spirits in this house.” I nod thinking yes, and that was one of them. I wonder if the old surgeon just wanted to acknowledge that he remembers these funny memories too. My husband being the grounded one says, “Our lights flicker when the Air Conditioning turns on.” 😉
I want you to know that the next time a person is rude to you, or gets angry or shows you who they really are then please remember that it isn’t about you. It is about them. I got so many clues to write this and that this week I had so many friends keep telling similar stories about how someone reacted to them and then they end up taking it so personally which then causes problems. I swear if you use this concept that it will change your life forever. How I react to others is about me, how they react to me is about them. Continue reading
At the beginning of the week when I receive the Signs and Symbols from Carmel Joy Baird I ask to be shown while I’m in meditation. I put out the call to see feathers and ask that I stay aware all week to be shown.
It was a very busy week and my husband was away for 5 nights for training for his work. I had a major dental appointment for my son and I heard a huge crash. A bird had hit the glass of our railing on the deck. It was still alive. My son and I watched through the window and this Robin was so close to us. We could see it breathing and its feathers. My son was concerned that it might die, but I told him I have witnessed a few times that given time they can be ok. I think he’s just a bit dizzy and that when we get home we will check if he is still there. Fast forward, the bird had flown away.
Later on that day I was thinking about the bird and wondered if that was feathery enough for my blog it dawned on me that I had a dream about a feather the night before. I remember that in my dream that it was a long brown and white feather and that I bee lined to pick it up. I held it and turned it in my hands. I felt that the feather was given to me in my dream. I felt such an exhilaration of joy in remembering because typically I don’t recall many of my dreams.
You may laugh, but I did a Twilight marathon over the weekend. It took several days of watching a bit and turning it off. But, in the fourth installment there is a scene of Bella waking up after a night of passion in which there is feathers everywhere. The feathers were floating around in the broken up room, since a vampire making love to a human will result in broken furniture and pillows ripped apart. I noticed the feathers in the movie and how I laughed thinking is this why I started watching this so I could watch this part about the feathers. I say it counts, because I do not know why I wanted to watch any of these movies in the first place.
Thank you for the subtle ways of showing me and connecting. I never truly feel alone with all of you with me. Plus, I find you all have a sense of humor and that is never a bad thing.