Getting Old Sucks

Sir, have you had thoughts of suicide? Do you sometimes feel that your family would be better off without you? He breaks down and says yes, some days.

It hurts my heart to hear the answer to the question. He is so brave and has been so strong for so many years. But, the body is becoming weak. The mind is sharp. It is a pain deep inside watching this conversation between doctor and patient. I can’t seem to lose that moment in my memory.  He has had a stroke. He has had a lot of stress leading up to this stroke. It wasn’t the cause, but it didn’t help.

There are more questions but it all leads to the result that there is depression. In this case, he will do follow up with recommendations with his family doctor and the use of anti-depressants to help with sleep and increase energy. His time is dwindling here on earth, but he assures me he still wants quality of life. It is important to me for him as well.

My mind doesn’t want to see him like this and nor do I want him on drugs for depression. But, it is a stigma of mental health that I can’t ignore. No wonder people don’t want to get help because the first thought is that I can handle this on my own. I will look weak. I will get better in time. In truth, you have to get help until. Until when? I don’t know. Until things feel better. Until is ambiguous. Mental health can affect not only the  person suffering from depression, but the people in their circle. I’m in the circle.

There isn’t much help for me to help the depression of another. Navigating the medical avenues in an area of life I know nothing about has been difficult. I took on things for him so that he didn’t have to and made calls and put pressure on to find answers for him. I was exhausted from my efforts and then had to release all of it to the universe and hope that the best possible scenario would be created.

There is no miracle, but at least there is help falling into place slowly but still moving forward. If you are suffering from depression I wish that more pieces will fit together to make you feel whole not broken with a bunch of red tape trying to hold you. The medical system is not easy to deal with and that I have no medical degree after all my questions, but I can understand how much help is needed in this area. A model of care that looks at the patient not just based on symptoms but also assesses the mental capacity as well. I have met the kindest social workers in this and kudos to them for helping in this situation. Your care is needed. Thank you.

I will continue my support. I hope you continue yours as well.



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