Shadow Self

It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster. ~ Carl Jung, On the Psychology of the Unconscious.”

I met my shadow self in a wondrous act of self-discovery. In no way has this self-discovery started in a time capacity, nor will it end. It was a moment of light in the darkness one of my biggest fears I have become aware of but didn’t truly understand how deeply rooted it was inside of me made its presence. This fear I called “tricky” when I was feeling humorous, but then called it “subtle” when I’d realize that it had eased in. Continue reading

Getting Old Sucks

Sir, have you had thoughts of suicide? Do you sometimes feel that your family would be better off without you? He breaks down and says yes, some days.

It hurts my heart to hear the answer to the question. He is so brave and has been so strong for so many years. But, the body is becoming weak. The mind is sharp. It is a pain deep inside watching this conversation between doctor and patient. I can’t seem to lose that moment in my memory.  He has had a stroke. He has had a lot of stress leading up to this stroke. It wasn’t the cause, but it didn’t help. Continue reading

Dear Mom – Dragonfly

Here I am. I ask for dragonfly as my signs and symbols. I live in a place that my likelihood of seeing a dragonfly alive outside is unlikely given the weather here in Canada. Dragonfly’s when they are out in their natural wonder are such amazing little creatures. The wings are so colorful and sparkle in the light. But, it is too soon for them here.

I feel like I  fill you with excuses why my ability to give you many examples of signs does not come to light. But, in truth to have just one sign that I feel overwhelmed by seeing is enough for me. Continue reading

Dear Mom – Bells

This week I was told to listen for bells. Ok. So, I started my week with getting a new bed and mattress. I was cleaning out some rooms to rearrange furniture. I heard my printer go off like a bell alarm. It was beeping and carrying on. I walked over to it from the other room but it wasn’t on. I looked around and thought of all our devices that could ring, because my phone is always on silent mode. I knew it came from our room, but we have nothing else in there. I thought good one. Continue reading

Dear Mom – Name

This week the sign was seeing your name. Well, I see your name all the time, because your name is a part of mine. The only major sign that stuck out to me is that I heard the raunchiest, funniest joke with your name being used in it. I laughed so hard because it was purely just a perverted joke. And because I am kind of a weirdo, I laughed my ass off.

It is hard for me to remember if you were a joke teller. I know you teased me, but I don’t recall ever finding that very funny. Anyway, it made me laugh. So, thanks for giving me your namesake and for the raunchy joke.