Writing. My first post mentioned writing, but it turned into more about crying. This post I wanted to share more about why I feel called to writing.
I like to write to release my feelings. I like to express my emotions through it. I didn’t realize that until recently when I wasn’t doing it that I had kept it all inside. My throat always gets closed up when it is my turn to speak the truth about myself. Out loud. Yikes! I can slow it down at that moment and can clearly see the panic that it holds to say what I really want. I stop myself because I fear what their opinion will be. I have said my truth and it feels good to get it off my chest, but then the criticisms start. The questioning on why do you want to do that? why can’t you just stay home? why aren’t you just happy taking care of your family? Why? Yes, why isn’t this all just good enough? You know why, because it’s not. I want the MORE.
I have a big personality. This is why the above paragraph will not make sense to some. I do speak my peace at times. I am the caller of bullshit. If you are going to tell some story I have this innate ability to see the truth of your words that you aren’t saying or the ones that you are trying to make less. I will say it especially if I feel urged to do so, and I would mean that as in a higher power has shouted at me to say it to you. I will hear your pain muffled behind your answer of, “fine”. I will hear your soul calling out your higher purpose that isn’t easily seen because of the walls our human self has created. I can see when you are hiding yourself from anyone seeing the real you. Your human self tells me another story and I sometimes, but not always speak up to tell you what your soulful voice has said instead. I have written poems for others on a whim because the words came so easily connected with that person. It is how writing is tied into who I am. It is a way for me to express my own thoughts and it seems yours as well.
You are all divine creatures. Your purpose is bigger then the bills you pay, or the car you drive. It is so much more that even I have lost sight of it. My purpose at this time is my biggest weakness. I am hiding behind my human self and not speaking my truth. I hear yours so clearly, but I disregard my own. It is time to speak this truth, write it down and share. I am spinning free out of my tangled web that I have sadly weaved. I have to systematically move from this to my next step.
I am courage.