Letter From My Future Self

I apologize. Sorry. I never realized your dreams because I was scared. I felt that to go for it was risky. I had the 3 kids and the husband that were counting on me to be safe, reliable and attentive to them. I questioned myself constantly. My brain was riddled with the relentless inquiries, “how are you going to do this?”, “millions of people are talented, why do you think you are special?” or “what if you fail?” I know, I had been at the bottom before, but with everything at stake could I rise up again? I felt safe here. It was comfortable. I eventually tucked away the dreams to be forgotten.

I was a good mom. I raised children who watched me be content with my life. They’d catch me staring into the distance not realizing that my dreams and aspirations were being taken by the wind. They took safe jobs, safe relationships and lived exactly like I did. No risks. I wanted them to believe in themselves. I wanted them to know they could be or do anything that their hearts desired. But, sadly actions speak louder than words. They watched me be safe. So, they chose that for themselves as well. It was good enough for me it was good enough for them.

My dreams were not forgotten. I am at a point in my life that I can see how simple it is to go for it. I don’t care what others think anymore. I have no time for bullshit. I kick myself that I didn’t just throw caution to the wind instead of my dreams into the vastness of nothing. I should have known that it was just me telling myself I couldn’t do it. Why would I want to stop myself from living my best life? Why had I done it for so long? Fear. I have no more fear. It left me when I knew that I had nothing to lose anymore. Death is coming for me. I see it clearly now that I stood in my own way.

If I could change anything, I would ask myself to be brave. Start small and take a little risk. Take a little more. Repeat: My children will learn more from what I do then what I say. And, then believe, even just a small amount that it is all possible. You can do and be bigger and braver then you thought possible. You have a purpose and it is within your grasp. Grab it!!