Where Did I Come From?

My middle daughter has been learning about reproduction and then coming home asking about her birth story. Sexual education is my favourite part of health in school at this age. Because it’s not really about sex but all the inner workings on how things work in and around the sex act. 

Of course my daughter asked questions with the other 2 kids with me plus my daughters friend. This was our conversation:

Honey: Mom was I born casarean? 

Me: No you were born through the vajayjay.

Her friend laughs. 

Honey: What?

Me: The vagina

Her friend: My moms friend calls it a vaj. 

They talk about the different names. There is giggles. My oldest daughter tries to turn up the music. 

My son, Bubby: How did I come out?

Me: The vagina. 

Shock and awe insue. Giggles and more chatter. 

Bubby: What about Bee? 

Me: The vagina

Bee, oldest daughter: Stop talking about this. 

Bubby, pats her on the shoulder: It’s ok. We all went through it. 

I laughed so hard.  

Me, turning to Bee: I can’t wait until you have kids and then this will be even funnier. 

Bee rolls eyes and music gets turned up. 

Love being their mom!! 

Metric Vs Imperial

I grew up in the metric world in my education system in Canada. I had heard my father ramble about the imperial system of measurements at home. But, like a foreign language I didn’t really understand the way it worked. I went to school liking the simplistic form of measurements. 100 cm is 1 m and is also 0.001 km. Anyway, it made sense. It still does. Our vehicles are in km/hr. Milk is sold in 4 Litres, 2 Litres, 1 Litre and 500 mL and so on. Children are measured in cm by height and weight is calculated in kilograms, which is nice because the number is smaller.

As I got older there are still places for the imperial system of course. I worked in photography where prints are made in inches such as printing a 16×20 photo. Or when we framed the prints it was measured in inches. Lumber is still sold by inches and feet. Square feet are still how people refer to the size of their home. Can it be easily converted to metric in your head? No, unless you whip out the iPhone and use a conversion app. We adjust.

How do people who use a different sort of measurement tools interact together? If I am measured by their yard stick, but I am holding on to my metre ruler then it would appear that all it is is a conversion. I get 80 cm and they get 31.5 inches. The length is the same, but the number shows the difference. What if then an argument started because of how we got the number? They blasted me for the new system. “Metric is stupid!!” They yelled. “Imperial is how things have always been done, why must they change a good thing?” The truth, I didn’t change it. I learned it. I learned to measure things in my life using the metric system. It is ingrained in me to view the world that way. I also, had to incorporate the imperial system in my life and had to make sense of 7/8’s and 15/16’s or one foot is 12 inches. I was open to see that point of view and still am.

I feel that in my life I am measured by others by their ruler. It can be as an archaic and close minded way to compare me to them and how they have always done it. I feel that at times they want to correct my measurement outcome because it is not like theirs and I am tired of fighting against it. I measure myself. I let go of the judgment I feel about that our numbers are not the same. I don’t want to be convinced to measure a different way because they believe how I do it is wrong. I am open to change and that is why I can see the measurement in both systems. I just deal with others that only see one. They refuse to their death to not see it but only in their way. I can see that it is important to hold to your convictions. I would say that yes, a moral-value code is important. But, the unwillingness to let others choose another way is what leaves you stuck, not me. Learn from your experience. Make a different choice if needed. But, don’t be so concerned if I am still measuring my life in metric and you are not. We will never get the same number and that’s the amazing part of it. That is the uniqueness of the system.

Who wins in the metric vs imperial match? No one. Live your own life and make positive contributions to society. If your first thought is to hand someone a different ruler, then make sure that you are giving it freely and not with old ideas and negative thinking. Otherwise, all you are doing is passing down your stuck thoughts on to a new generation. Open up to the possibility to accept change and value that it can work in both systems. Good Luck!!

Mother’s Reinvent Mother’s Day

Motherless Mother’s Day. I know, it sounds gross. It is true. I have no mother here to celebrate with.  The truth is that I am ok. I became a mother. I have 3 kids that have all made me something and will surprise me with their gift of love tomorrow. I am grateful for that. It is cute and sweet even if it is forced on them by their teacher. Kidding, they are truly excited and have been talking about it all week.

I tried for many years to continue to honor my mother and myself on the “special” day. But, it started to feel like a task. My mother is gone. I can speak to her in prayer and anytime I truly think of her she is here with me. I feel her with me now. She presses her energy against me that I call it a spiritual hug. I cannot feel the same way if I visit her grave. I feel cold there now kind of like it only marks the death and not the life. I used to take myself out on Mother’s Day. I’d go out with my friends and celebrate it, but that started to feel odd too. Was it really a Mother’s Day, or just another day hanging out with friends?

I find that Mother’s Day seems to represent this day that should be extra special and it has the same 24 hours just like the day before and after. It comes with these expectations such as the commercials of bouquets of flowers and huge brunches. The dad’s barbeque while mom’s sip on mimosa’s. The kids and dad give mom diamonds because they care so much. How else do you cap off a spa day but with a diamond? I have never had that day. Nor did my mother.

But, I do remember a Mother’s Day where I made my mom some breakfast in bed. I gave her my gift I had made at school. I think I was about 10. I sat on the side of her bed and was so excited. I can only imagine my mom was showing any signs of happiness because I had tried so hard. If I had realized how hard motherhood was I would have put a shot of vodka in her orange juice and gave her a pedicure. I would have helped more whined less. I would have looked at her with wonder and not the fun spoiler I later believed she was and then couldn’t rectify that lack of closeness by her death.

I don’t think I ever told my mother all the good things. I do recall one of the best last conversations with her that I had. It was months before her death. It was as honest as I could have ever mustered the courage to talk to her about. I spoke to her plainly about her dying but I know I focused on how it would affect me the one that would be living. I was 18 and was selfish. But, my mom said, you have never ever talked like this before to me. I think she was glad I brought it up. It sounds crazy now, but with all the two years of illness and then death did not bring out a constant conversation about it. Cancer was like a whisper. It stayed in our home like an elephant in the corner of every room. The point is that I didn’t get that in that conversation I should have told my mom more plainly that I was going to miss her, I loved her and that it was unfair for her and me. She was a good mom. She took care of us, fed and clothed us. She worked hard. She was funny. She was a good friend and wife. All I can do is tell her now.

If I could plan that special day with her I would. I’d spike the punch. I’d take her out for a spa day. I’d go for a lovely meal. I’d make mimosa’s until we giggled and couldn’t stop. I’d present you with diamond earrings. I’d ask you if this was the best day ever. You’d say yes and tell me that you loved me more then my brothers, but don’t tell them so their feelings weren’t hurt. I’d beam and then we’d laugh. You’d really have loved it. I’d really would have beamed.

So, the point is that I’m ok. She knows. So, for this Mother’s Day I will truly feed off my kids excitement . I will not be depressed  or think they should know mom needs a splash of vodka in the juice or coffee or whatever they make me. I will treasure them in their moment. I will breathe a sigh of relief that I am with them and they are with me. The day is completely what I make of it!

Happy Mother’s Day for the mother’s out there or to the one that had you!

Pet Peeve Venting

Do you ever have that feeling that someone is trying to bring you down? It is subtle stuff not blatant disregard, but just small little shitty things that they do. I believe that it is passive aggressiveness which is Pet Peeve #1.  A close second, which this person also does is Pet Peeve #2 –  condescension. I feel like I’m being corrected and looked down upon.

I get it. I choose to be bothered. I am a bit bothered, but then after a brief pep talk with my human and spiritual self I come to realize that it is their choice. They choose to leave me out for any number of reasons, which could be they don’t like me, lack of respect, unorganized, or jealousy. The spiritual side of me reminds me that I do not know the reasons behind their actions, but what I do with them is about me, and leaves a mark on my soul. And, me feeling angry about it is really no better then their actions.

Condescension – hate it. I despise it because when someone is the same age as you and then talk down to you because you aren’t educated enough, don’t do it right and for whatever stupid reasons they feel they need to correct you about drives me to drink and violent punching thoughts. 😉 No, not really. Okay, at least a glass of wine. Spirit steps in and reminds me that I have most likely done this to others as well. Again, am I these things? Am I uneducated? No. Am I doing what’s right? Yes, for me. Do I need to be corrected? No, but in some situations maybe I do.

Is my purpose for the greater good? Yes. I should keep the awareness of my purpose and then how others are acting is like watching a puppet show, amusing but I don’t need to participate. Because, if my purpose is still to help others then I can’t lose focus on that gift that I could be giving to others rather then wrapped up in their crap. But, my question for you is, if someone is rude to  you in a subtle way and continues to do this because of your lack of reaction, does this make you appear stupid or resilient?