I’ve been thinking about a blogger named Angy. I came upon her blog when checking out the Community Post’s. I clicked on this blog that no one had replied to and had a twang of memories coming back to me. Her post was a throwback to my youth, mostly junior and I suppose high school too. I won’t lie I probably felt the same way through my 20’s. She writes about her lack of good looks, not fitting in with her peers, parental relations and of course where her place is in the world. I’m like, girl, that was my life too.
I felt left out. I didn’t belong. Luck was on my side because now looking back I still love being internal. I would spent countless hours alone at home and it worked for part of my school life. I closed the door on the world and wrote mini-books, magazines with all my writing and drawings of models and many, many poems. I spent the other portion of my free time outside. The world was my playground, well maybe only 156 acres, but it was mine. It seemed that I felt the difference between that space and then the hell of school life. It is like a part of me always knew that I was a miraculous human being and not the uncool, ugly dork that others considered I was, or if they even considered at all.
What I have come together with my flashback is that I wondered if my words (wrote a comment on her post) to Angy could really mean anything to someone like myself back then. If I had a mentor cheering me on would that have helped? If I had that angel step in to tell me that I was ok would that have helped? I realized that depending on the person I think it would have saved me some of the misery.
I know that when I was in my 30’s was the first time I had someone tell me that my descriptive writing was really good. I was floored. I realized that no one had ever complimented me and I had been writing for a long time. Then it dawned on me, I hadn’t shown anyone my work in a long time. The only reason I got any critique at all is because I had taken a chance on doing a university course. I never put myself out there. Then I did. I always retreated to my self because of rejection and fear. I feel differently now. It is worth it!! It is worth it to say that life sucks some times. If you never say it, no one will ever challenge you on your point of view. Good for you Angy! You are way ahead of the game.
I guess what I’m trying to say that it is the little things that people do for you. It is the small cheers. It is the person who takes you under their wing and let’s you fly with them for a short time. They release you and they are smiling while you drift to your place in the vastness of the universe. Those are the moments that best carry you through all aspects of your life.
This was her blog post that reminded me about all the help I’ve received on the way.