Let’s start with some truth for 2015.
I believe in love and not just the kind between two sexual consenting persons (though that can be fabulous too). I believe in soul love. The love for your child who is nervously singing on stage and you are out in the audience radiating beams of pride. I love my friends for their listening skills, bust-a-gut laughs and the potent sangria that I make. Snuggles on the couch with your partner and he looks at you like you are the most special person on this earth with your snotty nose and puffy face (stupid flu bug).
But, I love the kindness to strangers, when you open your heart in unexpected ways. It is such a satisfying feeling that my heart races with gratitude for those miraculous moments.
I believe in God. I haven’t shared that in a long time because of my struggle with finding my place in my spiritual gifts. I was raised Catholic. We went to long masses. We didn’t celebrate Santa or the Easter bunny. I got older and still attended church, but not regularly. I got married and had kids and then I started thinking about religion thinking I could go to a tamer version of the church I went to as a child. At first, I had high hopes because the parishioners were kind and sweet to my children and me. I attended one Sunday and got a handout after mass. It was the Ten Commandments with all the sub-commandments under each one. I sat in the van and read through it and cried all the way home. I just felt so judged and hopeless. So, I consulted a friend who got me a book to read which was “Joshua” and it was about if Jesus came to earth at this time. Would he have been treated any differently? The point is that it made me realize that no religion in this time has it exactly right. If the religion judges harshly or says only if you join our church will you go to heaven and my favorite is that no one goes straight to heaven, we all go to purgatory to work off our sins and then maybe after enough punishment (like earth wasn’t enough) you may see heaven’s pearly gates. Otherwise the alternative is hell. I spent time ignoring God. I came to view more of what was happening on earth then what was happening with my soul and the souls of the universe. Slowly, I began to change and I believe God is within each of us. I believe we are loved. I believe we were given free choice. We choose all the time. God does not hurt us, we do that to ourselves. He does not kill us off because we need to be punished because we are all meant to die in our time. I believe in the soul. I believe in guardian angels. I believe God is love, but God is not religion. Religion is man-made. The religions that I could be a part of are ones that do not judge others, but give us hope. It is what we need most in this world.
I believe in me. I am an amazing woman. I am love. I am spirit. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am a friend, wife, mother, sister, daughter and the endless possibilities. I am. I say this with my heart full of compassion and want to give myself the gift that every person wants to hear: I am deserving. I am enough. Self-love I haven’t always understood, but to be able to give to others with a full heart it needs to be filled. Who better to fill me up, then myself? I have been studying this self-love and what I have discovered is that we are so quick to find the flaws, or tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, because of all the garbage talk we have heard from others our whole life and f*cking believed them. What the hell? Then we quickly keep up the self-destructive talk right where they left off. Stop. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle. Pray. Ask for help.Talk to yourself like you are talking to a friend. You would be supportive, loving and respectful. Try it. It is the greatest gift I have given myself. I love me. I believe in me.
I am grateful for all my truths.