“Part of the mythology that they’ve been teaching you is that you have no power. Power is not brute force and money; power is in your spirit. Power is in your soul.” Winona LaDuke
I made a promise concerning this blog and that is: I would tell the truth. I could only write what is light and right for me. Drum roll please…..this may explain why I am only on post #2. Being so truthful to the world makes me hesitate and shake in my boots. Previously, I chose to be private. I thought that this was the only way not to get hurt. Instead, I would add my comments to life’s conversation, but would continue to withdraw further and further away from others. I would blame them. It was how they treated me I would say. I blamed them for their lack of kindness towards me. I worry about all that society has told me that I am. I am average. I am not special. If I can do something, everyone else can do it too and most likely better. I have held in my truth. I have not said what I really think articulating from a compassionate soulful response. I have wanted to make you feel bad, to make you feel guilty or to not take responsibility for my actions. I was reacting only to your stupid bullshit, and to straighten you out, or so I believed. I only saw from a limited point of view. I criticized. I angered more and loved less. Sigh.
People change. Change is good, almost every time. (xo to Becky for that line) I am on a different journey now. I am meditating. I am giving compassion and love to others and some not to their face, because we are not speaking to one another. I am asking myself before I speak; will this benefit the other person? If the answer is no, then don’t say it. If it is yes, then say it with kindness. How is that going, you ask? It is hard. It is hard to be different if others see you as the same. I am fucking enlightened, don’t you see it? (Wow, it suddenly got quiet in here!) It is hard if your brother calls all your insightful conversation, Oprah’s-spiritual-bullshit. Haha. You work through it. You contact friends that remind you of what you are working toward. I am to respect everyone on their journey. I will send them love and compassion and keep working toward my goals. I am focused on myself, and the only one I have control over is ME. It is following your true self. It is being your real, raw, beautiful, powerful, and amazing gift that you are in the universe. I’ve hurt people along the way. I’ve hurt myself. I wanted you to know that I acknowledge who I have been and who I am now. I am a multi-sensory, Oprah-loving, heart open, spiritual-path follower and powerful force. I am learning from the choices I make and the ones I have made. There is no going back now. It wasn’t working for me, and I need to step into what serves me now. Here’s to moving forward!!