Risk Vs Failure

Risk taking is not something I do. I can’t quite describe all the reasons that I use not to take chances, but it fits into the box marked safe, comfortable and stable.

And then I do something risky for me and it all comes back to me on why I don’t like when taking a risk leads to failure.

I planned 2 weeks in advance. I booked the space for a meditation/healing class. I felt the nerves and excitement for taking a chance to show my self to others. I posted on Facebook it had several shares and people commented to sign them up. I was messaged about it. I had people committed to come. I was happy.

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We All Need “MORE”

Internal struggles.

I could never really put my finger on what it was that bothered me about anyone pushing me to do my passion or my work and that I had to step up and out to be “more” of my true self. I struggled a lot because the word “more” was them pushing me to quit my job and then I could make lots of money and live abundantly being a spiritual leader even though I still felt like the student. Nothing they said felt good because it went against everything that felt right inside.

My Pain for Glory

It was late last night and I left my last blog post hanging. It was late. I am not having a good day. I asked the question, how do I hold myself accountable to my path? I realized that feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable seems to be the only way. And comfort causes more issues which seems so contrary to everything a human wants to feel…peace. I decided that when I feel that way it is just an illusion. Real ups and downs are better for me then just staying comfortable.

But, I don’t want to chase the pain away. I don’t want to push it down. I don’t want to eat or drink anything to calm it. I just want to accept it. I want to look at it and feel compassion and love for myself. I want to let it go and leave my body and fill the space with new passion.

Sick and Tired

I recently was at a funeral and the preacher asked, are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? It seem like a strange thing to talk about at a funeral but he was trying to get the congregation an option about their difficult lives and think about spending time with Christ. He knows the way. He will lead you to your true destiny. I listened and I thought at the time it did not apply to me. Then it dawned on me days later that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and not that I am physically sick or not that I am physically tired it’s just that I am sick and tired of being stuck in the same place.

Free Myself

You know your onto something good when you can feel the ego rise inside.

The unknown is so strong. You have to trust in what you can’t see or understand.

If I don’t push pass I will stay stuck in this habitual mess of a life.

The choices I have made have made phenomenal  changes in my life.

The choices I have made have hindered my growth, sunk me deeper in the human condition and showed me the worst of my worries and fears.

I have prayed. I have asked. I want freedom from my prison that I created.

Embrace Discomfort

Ego for me is wanting to stay safe and comfortable. I will deceive myself in any way possible to make my mind take a problem and turn it around in different ways for it to fit right in my world. I want to shelf it and put it in my brain cells as solved. I will not trust her again. He is a horrible person. That hurt my feelings so I will no longer attend those social functions and on and on. I tried to justify my world and make it safe again.

In awareness it is true freedom to live a life with purpose. But, there is a level of being uncomfortable. You will face a problem and have emotions but will allow them to pass through without judgement and fear. We have been taught to live by ego so that means that we believe we must behave a certain way, wear certain clothes, talk correctly, etc. We have rules that dictate our behavior that society created or we made up. We do it to make our world inside safe and understandable. In awareness we don’t harbor what society tells us to say, think or do. We must follow our intuition and trust God, Source and the universe.

A Long Time Gone

I recently got back from a trip to Cuba. We took our family on our first ever warm vacation. It was a lot of excitement even getting passports and booking the trip. We went with another couple and friend which all had travelled to Cuba many times and had lots to show us.

We had an amazing time. The blue water and white sand was mesmerizing. The Cuban culture and music inundated us at all times. We went on some excursions as well as going out to the country side. It was a huge eye opener for our children to see Cuba not just from the resort, but to see the normal life of families in this country.

The Platform

“Wherever you are, that is your platform.” Oprah Winfrey.

I couldn’t bear to write anything this past month. I have promised the truth in this blog but when I get to a layer of my self that I can barely stand to look at with such obvious shame I stammer at saying anything. I was practicing meditation, but it was hitting a plateau. I wasn’t giving up, but it wasn’t feeling right either.

A Guide to Divine A**holes

I have a big love of podcasts and today was no different and sometimes it sparks a new thought or sometimes it ties together what the universe has been trying to get me to notice. I have been aware of my wounds and my fears so listening to Gabrielle Bernstein today was another opportunity to look at those wounds and keep healing.

*Warning: if you have an aversion to the word asshole, you won’t like this post…

My “Pretend” Conversation With Oprah

Oprah asks her Super Soul Sunday questions to her guests at the end of their interview. I always listen intently  and then wonder every time what would I say if Oprah asked me those same questions. Here goes…

Oprah: What is the soul?

Me: Our soul is a small piece of the whole of the Divine. It is our pure spirit that is inside the human body and is our beacon to fulfilling our purpose if we are willing to listen.